How to be a Good Guest in a French Home
If you've been invited to stay in the home of a French friend, consider yourself fortunate! You are about to experience French culture first hand. This is much more educational and exciting than staying in a hotel as a tourist. To make the most of your stay and also increase your chances of being invited back, we offer the following suggestions on how to be an excellent house guest.
Never arrive empty handed.
No, I don't mean carry your own luggage! I mean be sure to arrive with a small gift for your hosts. It is very important to begin your visit with a gesture that says you appreciate the invitation and acknowledge the trouble they've already gone through to accommodate you. Typical gifts are a box of chocolates, a bottle of liquor or wine - or some item from your home country that is not easy to get in France. If the house you are staying in has young children, it is also nice to remember them with some small toy or even a bottle of bubbles. Although everyone enjoys nice things, the monetary value of the gift is not as important as the gesture behind it. If you arrive empty handed, you begin the stay with an unspoken, imbalanced rapport. Do not forgo this step. Honoring this custom will surely start your visit off on the right foot.
Don't expect your host to play tour guide.
Take responsibility for your holiday. Arrive with an agenda, or at least a brief list of things you'd like to see and do. If there is nothing in particular you'd like to see or do, that is fine too, but do not strain your hosts by imposing on them to entertain you or create an itinerary on your behalf. Do your research in advance. For instance, if you'd like to visit a certain monument, take the time to research how to get there on your own. If in Paris, familiarize yourself with the subway system and busses. If you'd like someone to go with you, invite them cordially, but never presume they will accept nor go with you everywhere. Just because you are on holiday doesn't mean they are. Finally, be courteous and treat your hosts to your absence from time to time throughout your stay. Every family needs a little 'breathing room'. An hour here or there allows them time to relax without you watching, and perhaps catch up on some chores.
Speak for yourself.
Having a native-speaker on your arm as you dine, shop and wander through Paris is a wonderful crutch - but never forget it is in fact a crutch. Do not lean on it too heavily, else it may break. Never impose on your host to order all of your drinks and meals, or to be your on-call interpreter when interacting with sales people. Once in awhile is fine, but a constant habit of it can be exhausting for them. You will become a pest. Make the effort to order things yourself in French. If you are confused about something, try to ask someone nearby. Not only will your friend be appreciative of your willingness to speak for yourself and stand on your own feet, but you will improve your communication skills as well.
Don't presume your host knows everything.
How many times have you entertained friends from another city, only to have them ask you the most ridiculous questions about yours? For instance, "What is the population of San Francisco?" or "How do Californians feel about beekeeping?" You might have an answer for these questions, but you might not. When visiting another country, it's terribly easy to presume the native knows everything about everything from religion, to history, to politics to the every day life of every person. They don't, not anymore than you would. Initiating conversations on various topics is wonderful, but don't treat your host like a living encyclopedia. It's annoying.
In general, being a good guest in a French home is not unlike being a good guest in any home in the world whether it be America or China. Some behaviors translate beautifully in any culture.
Other tips: Don't wander into areas of the home you haven't been shown, but do offer to help with chores or meal preparation and clean up. Be generous and gracious. Before leaving, treat your hosts to a nice meal in a restaurant, especially if they have been cooking for you all week. Surprise the family with a few gourmet items from the food shop, or offer to cook (but don't insist if you feel this offer makes them uncomfortable). Be conscientious of their time and daily schedules. Do not monopolize conversations, impose uncomfortable topics or make loud noises that might disturb other family members or neighbors. Keep your room and bathroom tidy, hang up your towels and come prepared with your own toothbrush, toothpaste and aspirin. Don't try to be 'at home', meaning sloppy. You are not at home. Dress before breakfast unless absolutely no one else does, and even then, consider coming down dressed and groomed anyway. Also, keep in mind that because there is little private space in many French homes, your presence will impact everyone. Try to minimize that impact whenever possible.
Based on these tips, you may suddenly feel the French are highly structured and intolerable! Not so at all. Respect for others and their personal space is key in the French culture. If you offer it, it will be returned to you ten fold. The French make generous, highly sociable hosts who love to entertain and celebrate life with friends. If you are lucky enough to be invited, you've reached a certain level of intimacy with your French family or friend. Respect it! Enjoy it! Be considerate and generous in return, and you can't go wrong.
Comments
HOW TO BE A GOOD HOUSE GUEST IN AUSTRALIA
We briefly met our young houseguest in Normandy a couple of years ago. We were visiting the graves of three of our great uncles. Six of our family fought, and three gave up their lives for France during the Great War to ensure the freedom that this selfish young man so lavishly enjoys. By dishonouring us, his hosts, he dishonoured the memory of them as well. In good faith we opened up our hearts and our home to him. It was very expensive both emotionally and financially. We are pensioners and on a tight budget. No-one enjoys being exploited, particularly Australians who are open and generous people - good friends but bad enemies if the wrong thing is done to them. We had to ask him to leave.
"Bill" must have had some instruction from his mother to bring us a gift. I suspect she would be horrified to find that he ostentatiously presented his used iphone. This was still locked to his server in France and probably still connected to an unpaid account. Useless to the hostess, as she well suspected.
Bill's sense of entitlement was beyond belief. If, by some miracle, he manages to invite himself into another Australian household, he will need more than his French accent and charms to survive, Bill needs the following rules:-
Always ask permission before using household items. A welcoming smile does not mean carte blanche for a takeover.
More than half an hour in the shower does not leave enough hot water for others.
Do not argue with the hostess about the way to use her equipment.
If allowed time on the computer, ask if it is convenient. Do not just help yourself. Restrict use to your emails and skype calls. Two to three hours is a very generous amount, but Bill regarded this as a right not a privilege. He even had the audacity to remove the laptop from the charger. He ran the battery to a dangerously low level. It will cost $200 to replace it. The connection was left lying on the floor without its protective cap. The laptop spent many hours in his room.
When using a borrowed computer, do not look at the owners' private files and documents. Do not send emails from the owners' address. Do not expose their whole address list to the web. Do not change any settings.
Do not download from the web without permission, especially when asked to refrain. More than 50% of the internet plan was used in one week. Despite this, Bill continued to download until the laptop was locked away. His English was very good. He understood, but chose not to comply.
It was not appreciated that he had helped himself to the itunes library and downloaded all of our music onto his ipod.
Never use the home phone without permission. Sneaking it back to its' cradle is not a smart move. The hosts might have been very dumb to have you int their home, but they are not deaf as well. If not so serious a breach, it would have been hysterically funny to hear the ping of the returning phone.
Do not expect your hosts to be so overcome with the joy of your presence, that they will provide food and lodging for weeks on end without your financial contribution. I estimate that Bill daily devoured his own body weight in food, expecting three good meals a day. He further insulted the cook by photographing each meal, maybe to have a good laugh later, who knows. It was no use taking him to the shops, a few minutes away, as the trolley was loaded with expensive treats for him to eat and for us to bankroll. Wait a minute, I forgot the THREE bananas that he actually purchased. But then again, he ate two of them!
Full hotel service should not be expected unless hotel rates are being paid. Your hosts are not your servants. An offer to help after the bulk of the work is done is not a real offer. Genuine help with household tasks should be made daily, not occasionally.
Do not make foolish and ignorant comments about the indigenous people of Australia, sourced from a fraudulent author who has probably never even visited our country. Do not argue this point.
A thank-you note should be written on a nice card purchased by you, not on an old scrap of paper from the hosts' office.
Never be proud of leeching from others. Remember that you will be seen as a very poor ambassador of your country. Your actions will verify the world perception of the French, as rude, arrogant, selfish and tight fisted. Sadly disillusioned, I now have to agree.