Americans dating the French - Differences, Customs and Misunderstandings | France travel tips, guides, pictures about Paris and the French regions.

Wed, 2008-08-06 10:18

Americans dating the French - Differences, Customs and Misunderstandings

Ella

Posts: 1
Joined: 2008-08-06

Hello. I am an American in NY who has been dating a French man for about 5 months now. He is very kind hearted and we have a nice time together, but lately I have been wondering about things. I looking to find out if we are suffering from cultural misunderstandings or it is just not meant to be.

For example, we do not speak very often in between dates. In America, this is categorized as 'He's just not that into you..' What is typical behaviour after dating for almost 6 months?

Does anyone have insight or experience in dating the French?

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Wed, 2008-10-15 19:20

Francophilism and Taste In Men

Carolyn

Posts: 4
Joined: 2008-10-14

For Ella (and any other American gals here who are dating a Frenchman),

Are you interested in French guys because of being interested in France or is it the other way around? Me, I've been sadly disadvantaged in that department because where I live isn't exactly abundant in French visitors or inhabitants, and unfortunately I've never been in the position to travel to France. For many years I've been fascinated with the subject of American women who prefer Frenchmen only, even to the point of shunning men who are not French in the dating world. I recently learned from various sources that the case of American women dating French men is far from rare. From what I've noticed, many of these women like to emphasize the fact that their sweethearts are French, and I'm especially in awe of American women who have been lucky enough to qualify to marry them.

I reccommend Polly Platt's book "Love a la Francaise". I ordered mine from Amazon.com and it goes into the whole history of what makes the French irresistable to some Americans in the area of "l'amour". For some reason the author doesn't delve into the French-American alliance of the Revolutionary period as the beginning of what inspires actual romantic preference for French. I'm sure there must have been a few, if not several single colonial patriot gals falling in love with handsome French troops who came to help us win the war for independence. But a word of warning: A non-Frenchman reading the book might feel (sexually) inferior to these dashing princes of Gallic charm that are mentioned as the husbands, and me, I felt envious of the physical endowments of the women mentioned who were lucky enough to get these French husbands. They are described as being like something out of a beauty pageant. They seemingly have no risk of their guys cheating on them and these guys are apparently not the type who prefer women of their own nationality. There are no photos of any of these people, though. It's a predominantly female-oriented book. From what I've assessed, cases of American women choosing Frenchmen exclusively as their mates outnumber cases of American men choosing French women.

Out of curiosity, do you think there is a certain kind of social environment that's necessary for an American woman to come in contact with a (single, unmarried) Frenchman who happens to be in America? A fancy party put on by a French-related organization or club, for instance? Was you knowing the language a factor in what got your boyfriend interested? I hope this isn't too personal of a question but has your boyfriend attributed your American-ness to what he finds attractive about you?

Carolyn

Tue, 2008-12-16 14:54

french men

Samantha (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Ella...I see you didnt get any answers...unfortunately i have the same question...i have been dating a French man for only a month...going out every weekend...he is wonderful and kind and very into me when we are together...but i dont hear from him in between dates...it's very frustrating and i dont know if it is a French thing either....

Sat, 2009-01-03 05:57

Dating French

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Hi everyone. I am a asian girl from Singapore. I had worked for Americans here and is rather familiar with their styles of working. I also had an American boyfriend a few years ago. Now, I am dating a french man. He is very successful and is holding a very position in a french company. I realized my french boyfriend, perhaps due to language issue (he is not very fluent in English), it is kind of hard to understand what he is trying to express. I find it difficult to acertain between a positive or negative remark from him, whether he is happy or unhappy. We are together for about 1.5 months and we have been very intimate (no physical sexual activity yet), but we kiss passtionately. However, he has never call me "dear" or "honey" unlike my ex-american boyfriend. We do not speak on the phone everyday, we meet only once or twice a week. But we try to sms one another everyday, even if is a shortly one-sentence message. We have not introduce ourselves to one anothers' friends yet. But he did tell me once or twice that, we wish that we can stay together next time and he had also invited me to spend a weekend at his house to "familiar with the place". We spent most of our dates on outdoor activites like jogging and spend evenings at his house as he prefers to fix our own dinner. He is rather a good cook. I am 40 and he is 56 years old. When he was back in Paris for christmas holidays, he never ask me what gift i want from Paris. But he did sms me with naughty messages such as "dreaming of making love to me" etc. It seems to me that we are in a relationship, but again, he did not express it out verbally. He did not buy me flowers on our first date, but he paid for dinner. He did not buy me chocolate but offered me his home-made chocolate. He once told me that he is not romantic. Is there a guide on dating a frenchman? It seems that he is my boyfriend, but again as if he is not. Any advise?

Fri, 2009-01-23 20:15

Culture is not always an excuse

Vincent (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Culture is not always an excuse. You can’t accept all behaviours just because you think it might be a cultural difference.
I’m a gay Frenchman, I’m dating an American man, I know there are differences between us, but if something make me feel uncomfortable, I speak with him. I can’t imagine built a relationship with someone if I am afraid of speaking.

All this comportments seems strange for me, from a French person or not, but it’s weird too the fact you didn’t spoke with them already.

Sat, 2009-02-28 13:52

French man relashions with other french man

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Hi Vincent,

As you mentioned there are cultural difference, that if you dont like them. need to be bring up to the table.

I have a question for you.

My Boyfriend a French guy has a metrosexual friend..he says he is a normal metrosexual from Paris.

I cut him e-mailing him in varios ocassions specially when he is going to be in France, to have an "jour end amorox" the gay reply the he reves about having an "jour amoroux" but he will be busy during the day so they can catch up later at nigth.

In another e-mail this friend ask my boyfriend to join him while he is visiting NY, so they can have fun togheter. My boyfriend reply that it would be hard for him to convince me to let him go to NY without me so their "weekend amoroux" se compris. My boyfriend keep mentining about the "Weekend amouroux" as not possible since I will be there.

After all this e-mail, It just make me think that my guy has something to be with this friend in a different way than just a close friendship.

Is it me and my cultural differences and is normal in frech culture to talk to friends like that.

Any comments...

Mon, 2009-01-05 14:26

Hi you guys, I've noticed

tyra (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Hi you guys,

I've noticed you both are wondering if this behavior of not calling is typical of french men. My boyfriend now is french. Based on my personal experience, no, I cannot say this is typical. Although he doesn't always call me, he does make a point to contact me; by email, text on a daily basis to let me know how things are going. There are a few things he has told me that are different between our relationships here in the US and in France, but things like contacting each other during a relationship are about the same. I would suggest you just ask him straight forward. He will most likely give a very straight forward and honest answer about why he does it. I find when I just ask I usually get an answer. I don't always like the response, but I do get one.

Wed, 2009-01-14 10:31

Hi there, I'm a french man

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Hi there, I'm a french man myself. As Tyra said, y'all better be frank, as would a french girl do. "Ask" for more company, phone calls and so on... if the guy doesn't seem too busy but still doesn't provide it, then you have as much information as you could ever get.

Two comments:
- Expatriates tend to be less faithful. Especially males.
- There's no typical french way to manage their relationship, among the youth. Customs about love are quite flexible.
- Once you're kind of growing old and wanna get married, it's the same here as in most other countries, so don't excuse french people to just pass by, say hello and write a sexual sms sometimes.

I wish you good luck.

Fri, 2009-01-30 10:37

Dear French man

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

I need more insight...I have been dating a French man for about 1 1/2 months. He was very excited about me in the beginning, I travelled out of state to see him for holiday. I felt things went well; however, after returning the calls have significantly reduced. He visited me for a business/pleasure weekend and now the calls have dramatically reduced to once a week. When we do speak and are together it seems like nothing is wrong; but there is something different. The texting had stopped all together.

Is he just not into me? If not, then why isn't he just honest and just end it? I have never experienced anything like this with an American. They would just not answer the calls.
things are pretty clear cut.

I know Europeans are known for their honesty....but I feel very uncomfortable asking. I thought he would just come forward and be honest? He lives out of state. There is nothing for him to lose.

Sat, 2009-05-30 11:05

French Men

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

OMG...I am having the same experience and I don't actually get to see him unless I bump into him at a market I go to and then he's all gushy with me like he's totally in love with me. I've stopped txting him because I get so upset that he doesn't respond. If you ask me they're worth it for the attention you get but you have to be patient with them.....try to get to know their customs I guess.

Lorna

Mon, 2009-01-26 20:17

Dating a Frenchman, Kinda Sorta

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

My fiance is from Cameroon and is a native Francophone. It is safe to say that in my environment, he is considered French, although in his environment of African immigrants and a normal French environment, it is more important that he is African, and he does not identify with the French. I am a black American, but many Africans consider our relationship interracial because "they're real" and "we're not".

Since the posters seem to be American women, I would like to put my two cents in from an American viewpoint. Your Foreign Gent is a man, not a style or collection of symbols. Likewise, you must know whether you are, for him, a woman or an American trophy (or a little of both) and decide if that is satisfactory to you. Understand that when you date a foreigner, you will run into conflicts. Work it out as best you can. My mother, who is married to a foreigner, said that her secret of success is "don't push it." I do not completely agree, as it is my contention that you and your prospective mate need to duke it out now and then, and clear the air to enable you to decide if there are any dealbreakers and whether you can be in it for the long haul. Basically, you are two people trying to make a life together - you may find yourself close enough one day to experience that peculiar context where it makes absolutely no difference that the two of you came from different worlds.

Wed, 2009-03-25 04:34

Heck, I'm an American girl

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Heck, I'm an American girl and I prefer to keep contact to a minimum between dates. I need lots of space to keep pursuing my own ambitions or I start to feel imposed upon. lol. :P Everyone is different, and nationality often has nothing to do with it. While there are certainly cultural differences between Western countries, human emotion is universal. If you think he's not into you, not just because of his actions alone but because you get that "vibe," then you're probably right. My best friend loves dating men from other countries, and I tell her this all the time: cultural differences only go so far! Don't let yourself get duped into a crappy relationship just because "he's [random nationality], they do things differently over there!"

Sat, 2009-05-16 11:54

Definitly agree with you

Anonymous (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

Hey, I was wondering when someone will come with some common sens.
I'm french myself, dated an American Girl, and at the beginning of our relationaship did not contact her everyday at the beginning of our relationship, nor did she.
2/3 times a week, was enough, we were both pretty independant, and needed our own space.

I don't think it's a french thing at all, I dated french girl who asked me to get in touch with them once a day, and that was definitly a turn down and an end to the relationship.
My advise, give each others some space.
The only cultural difference I can see is that french guys can have a hard time expressing their emotion, mostly because of the language barriers, as most of you noticed, another thing french people are notorious for, is there rather chaotic level of english:)

Good luck to you all anyway.

Wed, 2009-06-24 20:37

french men

B (not verified)

Posts: 487
Joined:

I'v been datind a french man from paris for about 4 months. He is wonderful and shares his feelings and thoughts all the time, which I have never experienced with any other man. He wants to talk to me everyday, never once has he not got into touch. So as for not talking in between dates, that cant be a french thing.