Americans dating the French - Differences, Customs and Misunderstandings

Hello. I am an American in NY who has been dating a French man for about 5 months now. He is very kind hearted and we have a nice time together, but lately I have been wondering about things. I looking to find out if we are suffering from cultural misunderstandings or it is just not meant to be.

For example, we do not speak very often in between dates. In America, this is categorized as 'He's just not that into you..' What is typical behaviour after dating for almost 6 months?

Does anyone have insight or experience in dating the French?

Comments

Francophilism and Taste In Men

For Ella (and any other American gals here who are dating a Frenchman),

Are you interested in French guys because of being interested in France or is it the other way around? Me, I've been sadly disadvantaged in that department because where I live isn't exactly abundant in French visitors or inhabitants, and unfortunately I've never been in the position to travel to France. For many years I've been fascinated with the subject of American women who prefer Frenchmen only, even to the point of shunning men who are not French in the dating world. I recently learned from various sources that the case of American women dating French men is far from rare. From what I've noticed, many of these women like to emphasize the fact that their sweethearts are French, and I'm especially in awe of American women who have been lucky enough to qualify to marry them.

I reccommend Polly Platt's book "Love a la Francaise". I ordered mine from Amazon.com and it goes into the whole history of what makes the French irresistable to some Americans in the area of "l'amour". For some reason the author doesn't delve into the French-American alliance of the Revolutionary period as the beginning of what inspires actual romantic preference for French. I'm sure there must have been a few, if not several single colonial patriot gals falling in love with handsome French troops who came to help us win the war for independence. But a word of warning: A non-Frenchman reading the book might feel (sexually) inferior to these dashing princes of Gallic charm that are mentioned as the husbands, and me, I felt envious of the physical endowments of the women mentioned who were lucky enough to get these French husbands. They are described as being like something out of a beauty pageant. They seemingly have no risk of their guys cheating on them and these guys are apparently not the type who prefer women of their own nationality. There are no photos of any of these people, though. It's a predominantly female-oriented book. From what I've assessed, cases of American women choosing Frenchmen exclusively as their mates outnumber cases of American men choosing French women.

Out of curiosity, do you think there is a certain kind of social environment that's necessary for an American woman to come in contact with a (single, unmarried) Frenchman who happens to be in America? A fancy party put on by a French-related organization or club, for instance? Was you knowing the language a factor in what got your boyfriend interested? I hope this isn't too personal of a question but has your boyfriend attributed your American-ness to what he finds attractive about you?

Carolyn

I know Frenchmen well

I am an American girl and I have dated my share of Frenchmen. I love Frenchmen, but I think it all started out with them loving me. I can tell you they make great lovers. They seem to all possess a silver tongue and flirtation is like a second language to them. An experienced Frenchman knows how to seduce a woman, but what to do with her once he has her is where the problems lay.

I was dating this guy from Toulouse and two weeks into the relationship he wanted me to move in with him. That was after only two dates and we did not speak that much in between the dates. It may have been because we both were busy people and worked during the week, but the normal day to day chit chat, or text messages were saved only for the weekends. We kind of fell head first into the relationship without thinking. But that is what it's like in dating most Frenchmen. They love l'amour.

I can also say they love PDA, lots of it. They are not shy. I grew up with brothers and a strict father so I have to draw boundaries. I was dating this one french guy who liked to feel me up in crowded places. I just consider this disrespectful.

It really depends on the person but Frenchmen, especially the older ones, have a fine appreciation of women, particularly beautiful women.

This sounds funny, but on occasion I have had my picture taken by men on the street, and once in an art gallery. And 3 times out of 4 the man was French. Their excuse for the most part was "Oh I thought you were so Beautiful I had to take a picture." One said, "It's okay, I'm French." Like if he were German it wouldn't be okay, but since he was French I should just excuse him for his behaviour.

I am an American woman

I am an American woman married to a French man, and we have a child together. He is a little less affectionate and passionate than he was in the beginning, but is a very loving and caring mate. He works to pay everything so that I can stay home and raise our son. He always spends quality time with us, showing how much he loves us and wanting to take care of us. He is the best man I know. Even though there is an age difference he tries his best to understand where I'm coming from emotionally. He initiated the "I love you" and the getting serious was completely mutual. So, I don't believe there's something wrong with how all French men handle American women, or any other race for that matter. I think regardless of what part of the world you're from, love is love. Interest is interest. Passion is passion. It's there, or it isn't.

i want marry with her.

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Marry who?? can't you be

Marry who??

can't you be somewhat "More Clear". I suppose you don't wanna marry your mama??

*LOL*

*LOL*

I am an pakistani man, and we

I am an pakistani man, and we have a child together., but is a very loving and caring mate. He works to pay everything so that I can stay home and raise our son. He always spends quality time with us, showing how much he loves us and wanting to take care of us. He is the best man I know. Even though there is an age difference he tries his best to understand where I'm coming from emotionally. He initiated the "I love you" and the getting serious was completely mutual. So, I don't believe there's something wrong with how all French men handle American women, or any other race for that matter. I think regardless of what part of the world you're from, love is love. Interest is interest. Passion is passion. It's there, or it isn't.contact me,00923335311157

I am seeing a man from Paris

I am seeing a man from Paris and have never dated a french man we have been chatting for approx 2 weeks and he is awesome everything that I could ever want in man you said that he initiated the "I Love You" Did you recipricate that, my man just told me today that he loves me and it kinda of freaked me out a little that it came so soon is this natural for french men to know so quickly how they feel?

What about some of the non-obvious cultural differences?

I began dating a French man about 4 months ago. We met online and began e-mailing the first couple of weeks. We then decided to meet in person. It has been a whirlwind ever since. He works for an international business that allows him to come to the US for work. His first time in the US was in October of last year, so I am happy that he hasn't been too influenced by American culture. He is absolutely amazing towards me, and from an American view, he has spoiled me. We eat at the nicest restaurants, but as neither of us are big eaters, we share a lot of our meals. It is trés économique and it allows enough room for dessert, but he is also not accustomed to some of the insanely huge portions of food American restaurants tend to serve for one person to eat. When he is here, we live together. We have similar interests, like visiting gardens and hiking; really anything as long as we are active and outside. We also talk about wanting the same things in the future; that my dreams match his perfectly.

One thing that I found to be different is that he was genuinely surprised at how many people in my life already knew about him and that we were dating, and I was surprised to know how few people in his life knew about me and that we were dating. This caused our first real issue as a couple recently. My parents became very upset with me that he had been in the US with me for almost a month and I had not let them know he was here so that they could meet him. He couldn't understand why they wanted to meet him so badly. After everything was said and done, he ended up meeting most of my family in the hospital under less than ideal circumstances. When we were leaving the hospital, he apologized for not wanting to come at first and said that he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself for not coming if he hadn't. It is so refreshing to be with a man that isn't afraid to show his feelings and emotions, but at the same time, it also makes me feel guilt that he felt he "had" to go in the first place.

It got me to thinking though, that for all the french I can speak, I have no idea on his cultures viewpoints on many things. A few months ago he didn't care if I was fluent in all aspects of the french language, but now he asking that I focus on getting better as fast as I can. Also, he told me that his mom has never liked any of his girlfriends, that she was going to make me cry, but then he told me what I need to say to her to make her love me forever...sometimes it is like being swept up in a tornado.

I am a smart girl. I have a degree, a good job, and like most Americans I have a totally messed up family. I am in love with him, and I refuse to say it first, partly because I am not sure if it is okay for me to say it first...I've never been a "low self esteem" kind of girl, but I am definitely feeling some insecurities. I wasn't raised to be "laissez faire" about anything, and I really am trying to just sit back and enjoy my time with him, but we are both better and happier together than we are when we are apart.

I guess I am just looking for some positive reinforcement or some encouragement that this relationship is heading on the path to something long term and possibly permanent. Are there any major "faux pas" that I can avoid that could really mess this up? I want to have a frank conversation with him about all this, but how do I even approach the topic with him? I need advice, or a guidebook, or something like a "CLIFFS notes on how to not screw up a great relationship because of cultural ignorance regarding your significant other." Please help!

"laissez faire"

Dear J'aime mon homme français

I'm married to a Froggy. We met in Australia (I'm originally from Australia) but now we live in France.
You sound like you could use some help, so here I am...

Firstly, I was a little confused about your email. You say he treats you wonderfully, spoils you and takes you to nice restaurants etc. That you speak of wanting the same things in the future etc. All of that sounds great.

But I have a question for you... I mean I'm sure this guy is everything you say he is, but there are a couple of things that don't add up. He doesn't sound too "laissez faire" if you ask me. He sounds to me, a little controlling and somewhat removed. I could be wrong off course, but I'm just going by your email.

Things like wanting you to 'Get better at your french as fast as you can', and the fact that he sounds as though he has a mom from hell. Telling you what you need to say to his mother in order to get her approval. Somewhat one-sided, don't you think?

Sounds to me like he's the one being insensitive and committing some major 'faux pas'. Hardly 'laissez-faire'. So I think you can afford to relax a little, sit back and let him come to you. You're not doing anything wrong. Just by writing about your plight here, already shows how sensitive you are to other people's cultures.

You say you have no idea about his culture's viewpoints. Why not ask him? It will show interest on your behalf. It's ok to not know everything. It's ok to be different. Your being 'different' from say French women is probably the reason he was attracted to you in the first place. Otherwise he'd be with a French woman and not you.

Hope this helps a little ;)

Come to the light

lol I apologize for the presumptuous subject.

Ok so I'm a French guy currently living in New York.

First, saying that US girls are attracted to French guys is an urban legend. US girls might look twice at a French guy because he's just "exotic" however relationship wise, they prefer home bred all-American dudes.

Second, the cultural differences are WAY TOO DEEP. Dating, as American know it, does not exist in France. It was train wreck when I first discovered that people here date many persons at the same time before deciding to "go exclusive" (sorry it still upsets me hear these words) and gain the titles of "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" - this is very childish in French eyes. All this does not exist in French culture. It's all more morally sound and simple - sorry have to judge. This is how it goes: you "meet" a girl (not date) - if you like her you "meet" again HOWEVER you meet here and only her in the meantime! Once there is some kind of physical interaction or interest is candidly expressed = congratulations you are gf/bf even if no "official talk" took place and this when "dating" - according to the French definition - starts. Dating only occurs between a bf and a gf. The status of gf and bf is simply assumed, since people are not animals and thus are not supposed to be polygamous or promiscuous (even the majority of animals is monogamist).

Third, as an American, you need to grow a thicker skin if you were to hangout with a French guy - our humor is way too dry and sarcastic and can perceived as hurtful - this is in fact a compliment; it just means he likes you and feels good enough around you to allow himself to reveal his true sarcastic nature. I dated a number of US girls who pretended to be sarcastic - but I'm talking about a whole new level here.

Long story short: either leave the US dating ritual behind or just don't break both yours and the French guy's heart.

Sorry for sounding mean or presumptuous but this is cold hard truth.

FrenchieIn NYC/ COME TO THE LIGHT

Salut! J'ai été en ligne "dating" un homme français qui vit à Caen France, et votre réponse a été très révélateurs pour moi- MDR!

Do you publish your own blog, because I would be very interested in hearing more from an actual Frenchman on this subject.

Merci pour tout!

US girls/other nations and culture

Bonjour!

I am an Armenian living in CA, USA. I had the same problems "dating" Americans or American born Europeans and had this problem of understanding what "dating" is for them and for us. My culture is very close to yours (French) and I would like to thank you for your explanation of cultural differences, It's a very useful info.

Merci again

I know this post is old but

I know this post is old but where are you...I love you...lol.

Thank you

Man i love a man that can be up front about who he is....it like when i talk to a dude about me and talk crazy they get..its like they see me different like i not a young lady but a hoe, and some females think that im nuts because i have different views on things..you hit the nail on the head man.

cultural differences

FrenchieInNYC: You are not hurtful nor judgemental, you say it the way it is. Originally from Massachusetts we say it the way it is as well. I had a boss/friend who was from Leon,France w/which I worked with in Park City.I always understood his humor but some of it came off quite braison. We don't speak anymore & I do miss that but, the humor in a dirogatory fashion is never me. I also don't like secrets and too much subtlty which again I had some difficulty with(then again at times, he could be quite forward). His uncle was my cosmetology teacher and I absolutely adore(d) both of them. He at one time admited to me"I have a bad problem with making things look my way,Bad", I never understood if this was a guy thing, french guy thing or my friends thing. It makes me terribly sad that the friendship ended the way it did as he and his uncle meant the world to me, though I felt some evasiveness and hiden agendas.He always did say there was a huge difference in cultural perspectives. While at dinner w/ his friends one night he ordered off a french menu. When he asked if I liked a particular item I lied to save face (I didn't want to offend). He knew me well enough to drag it out of me and said "never tell a french person you like something if you don't because they will continue to give it to you). I always wished we could have cleared the air however, maybe done is done and life goes on Puet-etre. By the way J'adore le langue de Francais. My friend always hated it when people tried to speak french (I supposed he was proud of his language and didn't want it ruined)however, Je suis Francais! Mon pere de biologique il est Fancais. Although American born, my love of my heritage has always been quite strong as well as, my resolve to become fluent in the language. Additionally, my friend had a very pronounced paranoia that all American people liked him because he was french. Until the past few years I never let people know what nationality I am, I don't flaunt it. As my friend threw the blame game of the admiration of french people, he had no knowledge I myself was quite french.Needless to say, I left the friendship completely crushed (still am). Ajudgement was made and I suffered for that (among other things). Is this a cultural barrier or differences between 2 friends, men vs women?

You're not french at all.

You're not french at all. Your dad might be, but your french is horrible.
But hey, I guess people like those who seem exotic.

French husband

I met my French husband online 3 years ago. He was the most romantic person I had ever known . We got married a short time later and he moved to the united states. About halfway through the honeymoon sex slowed down. Then it stopped. I'd say we've had it 10 times in 2 years if that much. He won't hold hands , hug and never never kisses. He won't say I love you at all. He is the one that told me he wanted to marry me after a month and that I was wonderful beautiful his fairy butterfly etc. I realize that this is super personal but I need to talk to a French man and see if this is normal behavior or if I have married a sociopath and need to get out . The only things he ever says to me are derogatory and my self esteem has dropped to the point I can't even look for a job anymore. 3 years ago I thought I was special. Now I think I'm worthless . Do French guys just like the chase? Is divorce not a big deal over there?

Sorry to say, but it looks

Sorry to say, but it looks like you were a victim of a foreigner wanting American citizenship through marriage. Happens a LOT. Meeting online and wanting to marry you after only a month? Going cold turkey after the marriage finally happens? I don't condone divorce, so I don't know what else to tell you.

familiarity breeds contempt

familiarity breeds contempt

i wish i had known this 2 months ago

okay, i really like your blunt honesty. and id like your oppinion on something. i am not american, but my culture has simular traits. i met a french guy in february. fell madly inlove and we where together... after that he didnt want to change his facebook status. i perceived that has he has something to hide that his feelings where somewhat with a hidden agenda. we fought a lot and i broke off the relationship. i went back home and the plan was id come back in the summer. the next day i apologised profusely and we resumed the relationship. i then made a grave error (not infedility i am not that way incline) but simultaneously he wouldnt message me for certain periods and i questioned that and his response was even if i dont speak to you for a few days (WHAT?) i dont forget you....lol.. i got really weary of his behaviour and scared at the same time and broke off the relationship for the second time. now i find myself in a position where he has said whether true or not for the 1st time that he loves me and that if i where in france id be his girlfriend. i am really weary of everything but sincerely think i am inlove with him still. he has not shown much affection for about 3 weeks but his i love you moment 2 days ago has made me feel like i should not switch off to him just yet. we have many things in common and i fear i have given him the wrong impression of me. i cannot change what i have done and i feel he has punished me enough. i have been really unhappy without the confirmation that we are an item as we would say... that would give me peace of mind. he is also very stubborn and likes being in control... so do i. but somehow ive been on the back foot of this struggle as i fear losing him against my better judgement.... your oppinion???

Dear I wish I knew..

It sound to me that your French love is a game player.
I suggest, give him his walking papers.

Well said french Man

I could not have agreed more with French man in NY. I think culturally, people misunderstood the concept of dating. In the U.S. cultures,many women/people considered dating as multiple partners until they discover the one they want.

I met a French man online and it has been nothing but wonderful. He too hard a hard time understanding the word " dating". He explain how French man see dating a g/f or b/f and I understood. Before I assumed things, I simply asked him to tell me more about his culture. And the lady that talk about the French man she was seeing and his mother. I don't think she should change who she is to please him. However, if he truly loves her, it would not matter what his mother has to say. That's his decision.

I think this woman, maybe want to have the feeling of dating a French man. A man is a man regardless of cultures.

Well -

Lucky for me, I'm a gamer as is he, so my skin is thick enough to handle anything he throws at me. I was actually really happy the other day when he finally mentioned a very sexist joke to me - I know he isn't sexist, but he never said such a thing in front of me before then, so I think he is getting more comfortable like you said.

As an American girl, I kind of agree that most of us do seem to prefer American dudes. I'm different though, always have been, and I know I'm not alone in that.

I think it's interesting that you mention the "exclusive" dating issue; what you've written actually has helped me understand a lot better some of the qualms my boyfriend seems to have about issues we've encountered in the past. Thank you for that.

Maybe it's because both of us are kind of strange, but I know we can overcome the cultural barriers before us (being a part of the global gaming community is really a lot like a whole other culture in and of itself, and we're both a part of that). I'm sure others can overcome these kinds of situations, too, but it helps to understand why you have the viewpoint that you do. So, thanks again.

Listen to this man what he

Listen to this man what he says is very true.
I am a French woman living in the states and I do no like the "dating" here.
It is so juvenile.
The way Americans approach love and sex and relationships seems very, very strange to me. Men here pretend to not be interested, women obsess over someone they've known for two weeks.... it is funny to me.

And yes Americans do not get when I am being sarcastic and think I am a bitch or just mean.
Also, it is considered rude in France to ask personal questions when you meet someone. Never ask a French person, "so what do you do? where are you from? do you have siblings?" We are much more private and reserved than Americans.

This explains alot about

This explains alot about french guys, boys, men, but you must then understand why American women get obsessed over someone that pays us the slightest bit of attention. Also Americans do not really flirt. I have only really flirted with one American man when I was 19 in college and was always afraid he was too much of a ladies man. I think American men are nice and they will smile, but to shy about everything else. So American women get a little attention and we go crazy over it.
I am not sure, but I think part of our Country is based on Puritan ideas maybe this is why we are screwed up like this.

Come to the light - gay vs straight

Hello,
Would your claims be generally true for gay French men? As a gay man in San Francisco, there are many "playgrounds" in which to meet and play with other man. I met a man and we played enthusiastically, meeting twice in the same night. When I saw that he was leaving, I jokingly suggested that we go country/western dancing. To my surprise, he said yes and we exchanged numbers.

We met on Saturday of the previous week and we have a date today, the following Friday. I quite honestly don't know what to expect and I find myself in a situation that is a little unusual:

*We have already kissed......and more.

*At the club where we met, tenderness and being personable is - hors de question - but he was sweet and he gave me his phone #.

*He accepted my invitation to dinner.

Now the hard part: Since we have already kissed, does he think that we are now "involved" somehow or are we just friends going out to dinner? I offered to pick him up at his place but he would rather that we meet at the restaurant. Is he being cautious or does this mean that he just wants to be friends. Granted, I totally understand his concern. After all, we are complete strangers. We only know each other's names, phone numbers, and we have kissed and are physically attracted to each other.

Oh la la! Qu'est-ce qu'on fait??

Come to light

Good advice!
A tip to share with you.
Not all Americans think the bf/gf title.
Some Americans that would include me, its friends first than go from there.

Help Please

I enjoyed reading what you wrote -- I have been in a relationship with a French guy for a year and a half. I LOVE his humor -- mine matches so we enjoy "feeding" offof each others comments. We both work for the same company (an international company) and we met when he was working on a project in the states. We have continued our relationship, however now it seems to be somewhat strained ! He is working in Russia and we still manage to see each other once a month. BUT Lately he doesnt text, email, skype etc as much as he used to. He tells me it is due to time differences, no cell/wifi sevice sometimes etc. I really care for this man and would like to know if culturally Frenchmen tend to be "womanizers" or "players". To me our relationship is monogamous and has been since we first got together but I am worried how he perceives things. Maybe I am overreacting to just something that is culturally different ? Maybe it is ok that he is away knowing that we will see eachother every 3 weeks. I am just worried aboutthelack of attention he currently exhibits towards me.
Any feedback would be appreicated !

Ur message about French

Hey, was randomly having a look to this website and found it funny! Apparently French are somehow special and American girls (at least some of them) are really into meeting some French guys! Well I think you pay too much attention to cultural differences and honestly it is more a matter of communication: there are differences, but as long as you both want to share something there is no reason it should become a problem. One other thing: do not make him an icon, he is just a man (even if he is THE man), this is much more important than cultural differences!
One point, hence: Yes it is important for him that you start talking its language, at least a few words, that u show u make efforts to use its native language

Hope it helps,

I have to ask

Have you been to France to experience the environment in which he lives? He may be married with 2.5 children and a dog!!!!!!!!!!

I know how you feel. I just

I know how you feel. I just started dating a French man from Marseille. I really like him and don't want to mess it up either. Like you I am stable, well grounded but have a mess of a family. I have read alot of books on the French and how they are different from us Americans, but none of the books I've read talk about this subject. I would appreciate any information you recieve. Personally I think you should be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. If it's meant to be he will find a way to accept what you're saying and work through it. If it's meant to be you will be together always. If not, there's nothing you can say or do that will keep him next to you. I will be praying for you. Please let me know how things turn out.

Worrying yourself to death

Dear Friend, I was as confused and insecure (at reading your email) as you appeared in your email.

For goodness sake; is everything in the USA have to be operated on a script? Don't you people know how to go with your heart?
According to your letter; it appears you haven't go a hope in hell of even getting married; let alone enjoying it!

Your language sounds like something out of one of those imbecile sitcoms like Friends etc. If you are using those shows as a template for you life; you are going to spend the rest of your life right where you are now; spinning your wheels with all those ten year old questions.

Stay single sister. More people will be happy.

American Girl (26) French Boyfriend (27)...

We met in an young international setting in America. I was introduced to him and the attraction began right away. I was fascinated with conversing with him and not being thrown off by his accent, it seemed like a fun challenge for me. I was into a lot of independent French film and Edith Piaf at the time so I picked his brain a lot. One of the first things I asked him to interpret was an Edith Piaf song, Je T'ai Dans La Peau "I have you in my skin" it turned out that the translation was a lot steamier than I could imagine, and it definitely added to the romance. great conversation was a plus let alone, and conveniently good kissing led one thing to another. He is an amazing lover.
Now we are going on a year and we overcame some differences; cultural, speech/miscommunication. At this point I am well adjusted to his thick accent and grammatical errors. Making fun of it was fun for a bit but he doesn't like it so I keep it to a minimal. Now that I am taking French for grad school, the shoe is on the other foot. Culturally, he takes forever doing everything! The cliche is the constant cigarette break and very little sense of urgency. If he is rushed he becomes clumsy or forgetful (this has been a constant battle). Also I am a very headstrong American female, and this feels like a threat to him sometimes (I think). I try to tone it down a bit, but its tough because we are both very controlling.
To look back I am with him because of his personality, some of which happens to be related to the fact that he is French: traditional table dining, taste in music/movies, hobbies, etc. I like the fact that unlike American men, he is not addicted to sports or video games. It seems like American men are usually hung up on one or both things. He is so LAID back, willing to do or try anything. Would I keep dating French? Most likely. I don't plan on parting with him. If I don't get to love him eternally I don't think I could date another American dude. (no offense at all intended)

french men

Ella...I see you didnt get any answers...unfortunately i have the same question...i have been dating a French man for only a month...going out every weekend...he is wonderful and kind and very into me when we are together...but i dont hear from him in between dates...it's very frustrating and i dont know if it is a French thing either....

Dating French

Hi everyone. I am a asian girl from Singapore. I had worked for Americans here and is rather familiar with their styles of working. I also had an American boyfriend a few years ago. Now, I am dating a french man. He is very successful and is holding a very position in a french company. I realized my french boyfriend, perhaps due to language issue (he is not very fluent in English), it is kind of hard to understand what he is trying to express. I find it difficult to acertain between a positive or negative remark from him, whether he is happy or unhappy. We are together for about 1.5 months and we have been very intimate (no physical sexual activity yet), but we kiss passtionately. However, he has never call me "dear" or "honey" unlike my ex-american boyfriend. We do not speak on the phone everyday, we meet only once or twice a week. But we try to sms one another everyday, even if is a shortly one-sentence message. We have not introduce ourselves to one anothers' friends yet. But he did tell me once or twice that, we wish that we can stay together next time and he had also invited me to spend a weekend at his house to "familiar with the place". We spent most of our dates on outdoor activites like jogging and spend evenings at his house as he prefers to fix our own dinner. He is rather a good cook. I am 40 and he is 56 years old. When he was back in Paris for christmas holidays, he never ask me what gift i want from Paris. But he did sms me with naughty messages such as "dreaming of making love to me" etc. It seems to me that we are in a relationship, but again, he did not express it out verbally. He did not buy me flowers on our first date, but he paid for dinner. He did not buy me chocolate but offered me his home-made chocolate. He once told me that he is not romantic. Is there a guide on dating a frenchman? It seems that he is my boyfriend, but again as if he is not. Any advise?

Culture is not always an excuse

Culture is not always an excuse. You can’t accept all behaviours just because you think it might be a cultural difference.
I’m a gay Frenchman, I’m dating an American man, I know there are differences between us, but if something make me feel uncomfortable, I speak with him. I can’t imagine built a relationship with someone if I am afraid of speaking.

All this comportments seems strange for me, from a French person or not, but it’s weird too the fact you didn’t spoke with them already.

French man relashions with other french man

Hi Vincent,

As you mentioned there are cultural difference, that if you dont like them. need to be bring up to the table.

I have a question for you.

My Boyfriend a French guy has a metrosexual friend..he says he is a normal metrosexual from Paris.

I cut him e-mailing him in varios ocassions specially when he is going to be in France, to have an "jour end amorox" the gay reply the he reves about having an "jour amoroux" but he will be busy during the day so they can catch up later at nigth.

In another e-mail this friend ask my boyfriend to join him while he is visiting NY, so they can have fun togheter. My boyfriend reply that it would be hard for him to convince me to let him go to NY without me so their "weekend amoroux" se compris. My boyfriend keep mentining about the "Weekend amouroux" as not possible since I will be there.

After all this e-mail, It just make me think that my guy has something to be with this friend in a different way than just a close friendship.

Is it me and my cultural differences and is normal in frech culture to talk to friends like that.

Any comments...

It is obvious he is gay

It is obvious he is gay sweetie.

Yep!

Sad but true, he's gay- no matter the culture, straight guys don't act like this.

I sure hope you use a

I sure hope you use a condom....Ugh!!!!

Hello !I'm french ... and I

Hello !
I'm french ... and I assure you that in France, we don't talk to friends like that ...

Dear french

The French don't talk to friends like that!
Question?
How do the French talk to Friends?

culture is not always an excuse

I have dated men from all over the world. They are pretty much all the same but with different accents. Big deal. My American husband does posess typical custums such as always opening the car door for me when we go out together. Every frenchmen I have ever dated has not been much different when it comes to courtship. If he doesn't call you, then, he is just not that into you. No matter where he is from. Frankly I think it is a little racist to think they would be somehow different. Saying that Frenchmen are better lovers is just like saying black people are better athletes and Jews are better Doctors. It is unfair to paint a group of people with a broad stroke like that. And might I add, quite unworldly. Get yourself on a plane and see the world for yourself. You will find that people are just people, where ever you go.

Good point, good point.

Good point, good point.

Seriously... well said. The

Seriously... well said. The more I travel, the more I see that we're all the same. For all the black guys get about being obsessed with boobs and beauty, women are just as goofy about "oooh, he's French!"

American Girl in NY dating a French man

Hi I am a french man living in Philly and I came upon this site by accident and the posting here compelled me to answer. To the NY girl who is dating a french man, I would say that Mrs L. is 100 percent correct. People are people you know, culture is just an excuse, if he doesn't call it means that he is just not that into you. Why don't you call him and see how he behaves? Your problem might just be the fact that you live in NY, it has a dating culture of its own. Good luck

good answer

Is there such a thing as French men over 60 being interested in American women over 60 or am I out of the game now? Just wondering.

I'm a black jewish Frenchman

I'm a black jewish Frenchman and I find your comment insulting. I'm widely considered as a very good lover, my athlete's career has been quite rewarding and, mind you, I'm an excellent surgeon.

No u are not a black French

No u are not a black French Jew u are just an ignorant insecure regular black man who is ashamed of his own race so u felt like adding European races to ur self to try to feel more superior to ur black brothers and sisters plus u didn't mention who in ur family has these roots or where there from I mean be honest man

Idiot, he's Joking...

Can't you tell a joke?
clearly not.

Swoon.

Swoon.

you are correct

Thank you for that comment. Although I am a woman of mixed french african descent ...and jewish, and a marathoner, I was very pleased tou represented!

Hi you guys, I've noticed

Hi you guys,

I've noticed you both are wondering if this behavior of not calling is typical of french men. My boyfriend now is french. Based on my personal experience, no, I cannot say this is typical. Although he doesn't always call me, he does make a point to contact me; by email, text on a daily basis to let me know how things are going. There are a few things he has told me that are different between our relationships here in the US and in France, but things like contacting each other during a relationship are about the same. I would suggest you just ask him straight forward. He will most likely give a very straight forward and honest answer about why he does it. I find when I just ask I usually get an answer. I don't always like the response, but I do get one.

Hi there, I'm a french man

Hi there, I'm a french man myself. As Tyra said, y'all better be frank, as would a french girl do. "Ask" for more company, phone calls and so on... if the guy doesn't seem too busy but still doesn't provide it, then you have as much information as you could ever get.

Two comments:
- Expatriates tend to be less faithful. Especially males.
- There's no typical french way to manage their relationship, among the youth. Customs about love are quite flexible.
- Once you're kind of growing old and wanna get married, it's the same here as in most other countries, so don't excuse french people to just pass by, say hello and write a sexual sms sometimes.

I wish you good luck.

Dear French man

I need more insight...I have been dating a French man for about 1 1/2 months. He was very excited about me in the beginning, I travelled out of state to see him for holiday. I felt things went well; however, after returning the calls have significantly reduced. He visited me for a business/pleasure weekend and now the calls have dramatically reduced to once a week. When we do speak and are together it seems like nothing is wrong; but there is something different. The texting had stopped all together.

Is he just not into me? If not, then why isn't he just honest and just end it? I have never experienced anything like this with an American. They would just not answer the calls.
things are pretty clear cut.

I know Europeans are known for their honesty....but I feel very uncomfortable asking. I thought he would just come forward and be honest? He lives out of state. There is nothing for him to lose.

So

Why don't you just end it yourself?

When a man truly wants to be with a woman, then there is nothing that impedes his movement toward that end...not distance, not uncertainty, nothing...he moves forward with consistency toward the object of his desire.

Hi....

Dear French man.
Salut!
Good advice!
If a guy French, American, or other.
When,a guy into a girl he would do all he can to be with the object of his desire.

agree with french man

i lived in Paris for a very long time...you just have to be straight forward. Unlike American dating with the hidden messages...reading into things that are not there. I learned it is to be honest and straight forward.

I liked this about dating the two men I dates. I let them know I was dating two people at the same time. If they were okay with it...fine, if not it won't work.

Don't read into anything and if you are and still confused...ASK.

Don't worry, you're not stepping on any ones toes. Just make sure you're not being taken for granted.

Bonne Chance!

French Men

OMG...I am having the same experience and I don't actually get to see him unless I bump into him at a market I go to and then he's all gushy with me like he's totally in love with me. I've stopped txting him because I get so upset that he doesn't respond. If you ask me they're worth it for the attention you get but you have to be patient with them.....try to get to know their customs I guess.

Lorna

hello, i have exactly the

hello, i have exactly the same situation here..while we are together (during the weekends), we always have so much fun. but never hear from him in betweens days. is tihis a culture thing or he is just not that into me?

hi! I recently studied abroad

hi! I recently studied abroad in France and fell in love with a french man. We decided to stay together even though I had to come back to the states. I am visiting him next month and he will be moving here next year, so we are hoping to just stay strong until then. I have learned to have patience with him. I think it is definitely a French thing to "take your time" to respond to texts, calls, emails, etc... I have witnessed this not only in how he acts towards me, but how he acts towards others, and how my other french friends act towards me as well. I will say though, that simply being honest makes all the difference in the world. I simply told him that it was difficult for me to not hear from him but once or twice a day and he apologized overtly and will now always tell me when he is too busy to chat, and is always asking to skype, etc.. The best advice I have given myself when approaching potential cultural differences is to not compare his actions to those of boyfriends prior and whenever something seriously bothers me, I very sweetly explain to him how it makes me feel. He has been nothing less than sweet and understanding, and tries to understand where I am coming from culturally as well.

good luck everyone :)

How do you stop loving a Frenchman? Help!

Firstly, I am a 54yo Australian who has been living in France for the past 4 years. A smallish town of about 5000 people, south of Paris. The reason I give ts info is because I am not a young woman therefore have had some life experiences with men and their idiosyncrasies. Still cant work them out though!
I have been in a wonderful relationship with my French partner for the past 14 months. Some of the best, most loving and wonderful times of my life. We were soul mates as they say. We had known each other for 3 years before we started dating, so we knew each other very well.
A couple of months ago I had to return to Australia for 6 weeks to visit family. My wonderful loving man called me everyday at 7pm (french time) as he done since the day we hooked up, he longed for me to return saying I was never to leave him that long again, that when I return it was forever. He loved me so much and missed me more than ever.
When I returned in the first few days I noticed he was different, distant, over trying to please my every whim, he was usually wonderful but this was over the top! Of course we spent the first few days hardly out of each others arms, or sight, nothing unusual, we were always like that before I left. he was getting some late night messages on his mobile that he would usually say who it was, I asked and he diverted my thoughts to our friends. The following weekend he received another message that he refused to say who it was, got very strange and aggressive with me over any little thing. Then I knew he had a secret that he was hiding that had happened when I was away. It was rocky but we spent the weekend with our friends and he seemed to be comfortable with me again. I loved him so much I tried to put it out of my mind.
The following day I noticed something different with my body, OMG, I was panicked and went to a doctor for confirmation, unfortunately my worst fears were confirmed. He works away from home every week, I had never had any doubts about him, he was so wonderful, we were so happy together all the time.
I waited until the following Friday night to speak to him about it in person, not a subject I wanted to approach on the telephone. I asked him "is there anything you want to tell me about that happened when I was away?" his answer was a cautious "no". So I asked again, again it was "no"! So then I asked him "to swear on your own life because otherwise I have to ask a question I would never have thought I would have to ask"....(why do we ask that...has anyone ever died from telling a lie?) so he told me, he had invited a woman he knew before me to visit him for sex. She had to drive 2.5 hours to get ther, he wasn't under any influence of alcohol so he knew what he was doing.
I was devastated, my family and friends, couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe it. He was the perfect man for me and to me. He was hardly regretfull, he was caught out was more devastating to him than what he had done to me. He told me that I am better off without him, that I could never trust him again. Can you imagine? We were planning to spend the rest of our lives together, no not just me! We had big plans!
I told him I forgave him, everyone can make mistakes, I knew he still loved me, I know he still does but he has this guilty man standing in my wonderful mans body at the moment. He told me i needed to give him some time, a few weeks, to get over his guilt and what he did to me. So I gave him time, I spent the christamas new year away because I was so disappointed and living in a small town it was inevitable that we would see each other. I waited for him to call me to have me back, he didn't, I had been crazy in the past few weeks, my whole world had disappeared overnight!
I returned and we got together to discuss if their was any future. He told me he didn't love me anymore. That he didn't want or need another woman in his life, he needed to be alone! He didnt know why or when he stopped loving me. That he needed to work out in his mind what it was he really wanted in life, that he was lost at the moment.
Of course I begged him to have me back, how sad, I still loved him, I still do. I longed for him to call me everyday like he always had. Then 2 weeks ago I found out that he had been Internet dating for some months, while we have been together, while he was away every week in his hotel rooms. "just to talk" he said, "I never wanted to meet them," how sad, when I would sit at home waiting for him to call at 7pm then finding out he would be on the Internet or calling other women later in the night. It's amazing what you can find out through Facebook!
But you know what, after all that he has done to me, I still love him, I would have him back in a heartbeat. So why am I telling you all this? Because Frenchmen are different, they are charming, they are wonderful lovers, they love to love, and I think it's true that they are not just satisfied with one woman in their life.
C'est la vie!
Thanks for reading. Marilyn

Dear Marilyn,I kind of had a

Dear Marilyn,

I kind of had a similar story very recently, for the cheating part at least... I am not intended to be judgmental here, just give you the kick I think you need to move on!

How can you love such a coward! He is not man enough for you... He is selfish and childish.
You really loved him, it's clear from your email, but he does not appreciate all you have to offer, his loss!

I really loved (seems weird to write it now as I don't feel it anymore) my boyfriend, and when I realized, too late, that he was paranoid (in the medical sense of the term) I stand by his side, encouraged him see a psychologist, bare his bad times (and God he had really bad ones)... and that was not easy as I am alone in Tehran with few friends and no family (he is iranien and I am French). But from the moment I discovered the cheating, I did not cry anymore for him, and only once for myself. Because I was in love with a dream: a guy who I thought believed in faithfulness and truth!
This guy exists somewhere for me, I just have to keep looking. Oh, and from the moment I've ended the relation (4 weeks ago), my skin has improved terrifically, I sleep tight, and there are already a few guys noticing;-)

Allez haut les coeurs, Marilyn, je vous souhaite beaucoup de bonheur dans avenir proche!

dating frenchmen

Okay i am thinking this a trend with Frenchmen to not call much. I recently had my heart broken by the first Frenchman i have ever fallen in love with. I am still hurting as its been only a month since he told me he had started to see someone else, after we had spent three very passionate months together. I didn't make a fuss about him not calling me as often, because he is an commercial airline pilot, and i realized that he was often busy. But how long does it take to send a text message just to say you are thinking about someone? I found him to often be short tempered and irritable. I sure hope they are not all that way. He was a very direct person, who made no qualms about hurting a persons feelings. I found it quite rude and insensitive. while Frenchmen are supposedly know to be great lovers etc. I think that is a myth, and they are like all other men, perhaps they are just flirts who need egos stroked just like any other man.I will give them this, they are great when it comes to dressing up and taking notice of how well a girl is dressed as thats the one thing i miss about my French guy.

Is totally the opposite. My

Is totally the opposite. My french boyfriend calls me, texts me, emails me and let me know how much he loves me every single day. Just today I got 10 messages and 5 phone calls and the last one would be right before I go to bed. Maybe I am lucky but like he says: when a man is in love no matter in what language he will show it to you and never make you doubt :)

that happened to me in the

that happened to me in the first 3 months. how long have u been dating? good luck..

that happened to me too.

that happened to me too. first three month. but he still has me three years on.

Hi, In reading your post i

Hi,
In reading your post i felt compelled to respond. Your Frenchman sound a lot like my current love. I met her online. She is the sexiest, most talented, and charming person i have ever met. She seemed indifferent on our first date interestingly enough, I was attracted instantly to her free spirit. She is a classically trained clarinetist. She has been in the US for about 10 yrs now. She has been in several short term relationships with women here. My last relationship was an 11 year one. I was cherished in that relationship. Something I miss. I lost touch with my career and wanted that back and it caused this relationship to end. Needed autonomy and closeness in my life if that makes any sense. I also needed passion which was lacking in this former relationship. This French girl had charisma. A light switch went on when I saw her this first time. I knew that was what i was missing. She was just leaving a relationship in which her partner was very sick with cancer. She insists she left the relationship because this person reached out to others and not her during the illness and she felt rejected. This always sounded strange to me. Anyway I digress.... She was very passionate about me in the beginning. She wanted me to move in with her pretty quick. The sexual relationship was in trouble after the first year. She has always been very impatient. She has embarrassed me many times in front of her friends and family, talking down to me. Travelled to Nantes, France to meet her family. We stayed in a different place every night, with different family members and friends. She was mad trying to please everyone. She started to make financial demands of me soon as I moved in with her. I am not blaming anything on the French here! I definitely agree with others that she is very direct and what you see is what you get. We have rarely had sex for our second year and I am planning my move to a new home in the coming weeks. I absolutely loved certain things about her. She seems very manipulative re finances, travel plans, wanted her home remodelled at my expense. She could defintely get into anyone's pants without even trying hard! Love her but cant live with her. I blame her, not the French!

Yes i got the same issue here

Yes i got the same issue here as well~ hello fr HK~

I have been dating a french

I have been dating a french man for 10 months. We started out going on maybe 3 dates a week, and I remember him giving me a lot of attention (we talked on the phone in between dates, etc). We are more in love than ever. I think it depends on the guy: some french guys will take things slow, some may just dive right in and want to be with you all the time. This is the same case in America. Just because he doesn't call you between dates doesn't mean he isn't into you. And just because he calls you all the time and wants you with him always doesn't mean you will both last forever. You must be patient with these kinds of things, and just take it day to day. Maybe once you are comfortable enough with him, you can bring up the topic of whether he can see you two dating long-term. I would just sit back and relax and enjoy the present moments rather than dwell on the future circomstances.
Alors, bonne chance!

Why are all u American woman

Why are all u American woman fantasising or desperately trying to be with a French man I mean my mom is Spanish and my dad is French from marseille (really beautiful place) I mean that other lady who wrote a comment u all just look for cultural differences in a man and when u start saying I dont know why he doesn't talk much when were on dates then do some dam research and check if this is who u want to be with one last thing if u think their culture is any different from the u.s. Then think again if he doesn't talk to u it could be because he's not that in to u and he'll just end up breaking ur heart and be promiscuous my dad is and he's like 53 but of course they're not all like that my grandfather remai3ned loyal to my grandmother so any way good luck to all u woman dating French men ur gonna need it.

Thank god someone said it

Thank you for saying what I had been thinking while reading this,I was just trying to find out more about the culture because I have two french friends that I recently met and one of which tried to give me a kiss on the cheek the other day when we saw each other and I didn't know at the time but that was just part of his culture but I since I didn't know I did sort of insult him because I backed away so I'm just trying to find out some about the culture because I do not want to insult someone just because of how they were raised nor their culture its simply rude and shows one's ignorance if they cannot tolerate cultural differences so thats what I am hoping to figure out any advice? (aside from not backing up if he tries it again)

Frenchmen

I have been dating my French man for a couple of months and he texts all day everyday.. And calls at least once a day.. He stays in contact.. Because of our work schedules, we spend our time on our days off.. But he does stay in contact literally all the time.

Dating a Frenchman, Kinda Sorta

My fiance is from Cameroon and is a native Francophone. It is safe to say that in my environment, he is considered French, although in his environment of African immigrants and a normal French environment, it is more important that he is African, and he does not identify with the French. I am a black American, but many Africans consider our relationship interracial because "they're real" and "we're not".

Since the posters seem to be American women, I would like to put my two cents in from an American viewpoint. Your Foreign Gent is a man, not a style or collection of symbols. Likewise, you must know whether you are, for him, a woman or an American trophy (or a little of both) and decide if that is satisfactory to you. Understand that when you date a foreigner, you will run into conflicts. Work it out as best you can. My mother, who is married to a foreigner, said that her secret of success is "don't push it." I do not completely agree, as it is my contention that you and your prospective mate need to duke it out now and then, and clear the air to enable you to decide if there are any dealbreakers and whether you can be in it for the long haul. Basically, you are two people trying to make a life together - you may find yourself close enough one day to experience that peculiar context where it makes absolutely no difference that the two of you came from different worlds.

Heck, I'm an American girl

Heck, I'm an American girl and I prefer to keep contact to a minimum between dates. I need lots of space to keep pursuing my own ambitions or I start to feel imposed upon. lol. :P Everyone is different, and nationality often has nothing to do with it. While there are certainly cultural differences between Western countries, human emotion is universal. If you think he's not into you, not just because of his actions alone but because you get that "vibe," then you're probably right. My best friend loves dating men from other countries, and I tell her this all the time: cultural differences only go so far! Don't let yourself get duped into a crappy relationship just because "he's [random nationality], they do things differently over there!"

Definitly agree with you

Hey, I was wondering when someone will come with some common sens.
I'm french myself, dated an American Girl, and at the beginning of our relationaship did not contact her everyday at the beginning of our relationship, nor did she.
2/3 times a week, was enough, we were both pretty independant, and needed our own space.

I don't think it's a french thing at all, I dated french girl who asked me to get in touch with them once a day, and that was definitly a turn down and an end to the relationship.
My advise, give each others some space.
The only cultural difference I can see is that french guys can have a hard time expressing their emotion, mostly because of the language barriers, as most of you noticed, another thing french people are notorious for, is there rather chaotic level of english:)

Good luck to you all anyway.

french men

I'v been datind a french man from paris for about 4 months. He is wonderful and shares his feelings and thoughts all the time, which I have never experienced with any other man. He wants to talk to me everyday, never once has he not got into touch. So as for not talking in between dates, that cant be a french thing.

I am also an American girl

I am also an American girl dating a Frenchman!At the beginning of the relationship he didn't contact me a lot and I was often worried, after 1.5 months of that we moved in together, and since we have been living together he has been always calling me, even from work 2-3 times a day to wake me up on time to eat lunch with him(i sleep in late in winter), and we always go to everywhere together- shopping, cinema, friend's house. My last boyfriend was an American who unfortunately didn't include me too much to his own circle. On the other hand, this french dude includes me to his circle entirely, it is pre-assumed that I go to everywhere and anywhere with his buddies and there's no that male-only bounding thing necessary here in France, or at least in our circle of friends there isnt.

He also cooks and pays half of everything, and sends flowers. All I have to do pretty much is making the bed and cleaning the house and do dishes occasionally- and he pays the bills too. I have never felt so pampered in my life, I feel good with this guy!

About expressing emotions-yes, i do agree with the ladies above about how the French usually are not good in english-I couldn't understand anything from my current boyfriend at all at first but after living together for four months his english improved so much. We still have slight communication problems and I can never use slang, and he also always likes to pretend he understands things although he really doesnt, so yeah there are quite some misunderstandings generated because of that.

I agree. I am an American

I agree. I am an American woman with a French boyfriend and we have been dating for 5 months. Without getting into the details I will say that he is simply amazing. Everything I could want in a man he offers it to me without me asking. We have been separated for 5 weeks, he went to visit his family in France, and he contacts me multiple times a day (phone calls, texts, skype sessions). So, I can say it is definitely not a custom of Frenchmen to be M.I.A.

All people are different despite where they come from. One cannot generalize a whole population after one encounter.

I met and have been dating a

I met and have been dating a french man for about a month now. He has completely taken care of everything. He went home for a week and called multiple times a day, even when it was very early for him in france, to tell me what is going on and ask what is going on. His english is very good, and peppered with french terms and a heavy accent... adorable. He calls me still multiple times a day while I am at work, or if he is. He answers EVERY time I call, even if it to say he is tied up and has to call me back, but will check to make sure everything is ok before letting me off of the phone.
I can say he is wonderfully sweet, caring, kind, and will do ANYTHING I ask for. My requests are always reasonable, but he is happy that I make my needs known and is always eager to meet them.
He is an unselfish lover, and always reads my mood before crossing a line. I do not think this is a quality of French men, I think it is a quality of this man. It is essential that you look at the person you are choosing to spend time with as a person and not try to annalize their moves for more than what they are worth.

Dating ze French

Hi I'm an American woman who had a whirlwind romance with a french man last year, even moving in with him into his tiny Parisian apartment for a few months. And I can see why an American woman may want to go out with a French man. I read tons of books on cultural differences and romances between an anglophone and francophone while going out with mon amour francais. So I going to completely over-generalize...

I think the biggest difference is that the French while they want to appear very liberal and accepting are actually very conservative and stuck in their ways, especially with gender roles. French men can be very masculine, macho, and expect woman to stay in the French cultural role of what it means to be a woman. French women are always impeccably groomed, meticulous house-keepers, and cook amazing meals from scratch almost every day. They watch what they eat, stay slim, and care very much how they present themselves to the world. Okay, generalization. But a French man will expect you to be like this and your relationship is doomed if you are not like this in the least bit, well at least with a Parisian man. As a woman it would be a horreur if say you were to go to the corner shop in your sweatpants without putting on any make-up. Your french boyfriend would be horrified also if say he would turn up after-work on a random weekday night you are sharing and there you are, in sneakers, no make-up, a t-shirt, and jeans even if it's a weekday night and you're not leaving the flat. The French man after wooing you, will expect you to do as he tells you! He's in control of the relationship, not you. The relationship is doomed from the get-go.

French men think American women are quite masculine actually. This is what my ex-boyfriend told me. I think it has to do with the feminist movement. It never really came to France. While today of course French woman do have a lot of equal opportunities, women are women and men are men. It doesn't seem that either of the sexes have a lot of freedom in terms of gender roles. People seem much freer in say the US and in the UK (where I live now.) There is a lot more equality amongst the sexes in the US and UK.

French men are very very passionate, romantic, and whoo harder than I've ever seen before if he is besotted with you. He will say just about anything to have you fall in love and you might actually believe him when he says over and over magical romantic things, bathing you in passionate attention. And you could feel swept off your feet like never before. Your knight in shining amour has arrived. But yes it is a fairy-tale. When the romance is over, it can end quite abruptly because an American woman and French man do have little in common. An American woman is too direct, out-spoken, and not easily controlled for a French man. If you are an American woman who is happy with who you are, this will cause even greater friction. French men are immature when it comes to a real relationship past the passion, they can not understand how an American woman thinks. The French arrogance is narcissism and going out with a French man as an American woman can cause you to loose your soul if do try to bend to his ways as he expects you to do.

So it is fun to get swept away in the first moments of romance with a French man, but anything long-term is doomed. American women who only want to date French men are women who are addicted to passion and the inevitable pain that goes with that. And I've dated 2 French men, including the French man I move to Paris to be with and left after that love affair went sour.

I'm much happier with an Englishman.

Thank you

Thank you. I had the exact same experience recently with a Parisian except he moved to NY (first time in the US) to be with me. It ended as abruptly as it started, when he realized I was not the always get dressed up woman who cooks three meals a day, has a serious career and made my own money. Although he didnt seem to object to it in the beginning. They must call the shots, earn the money and you must be the caretaker. It is a big cultural difference if you have the type of Parisian who is not wordly and be careful if they are close to their mothers, they call the shots. What I learned, is that it is a show in the end. Although they may look great, pretend to have money, etc., what goes on at home is a lot different. He went back to Paris after living with me for two months, telling me we will try long distance, never to be heard from again - he was literally talking about getting married and having children three days before (something I told him from the start was not what I wanted - the kids part). I am still not over it and your point about losing your soul is of great help. I am an extremely successful businesswoman who has a lot going for her and now I find myself questioning my life choices because of him. So thank you for taking the time to share your story, it is so helpful.

I'm sorry, but your comment

I'm sorry, but your comment about "feminism never coming to France" is just frankly not true. There is a widespread outcry in France at this very moment among feminists who are angry over the whole Dominique Strauss-Kahn raping a maid controversy.

I currently live in France and am an American woman who has been involved with men from all sorts of different countries. I dated an American who emotionally neglected me, and any Frenchman that did the same would be no different. I think that Frenchmen may rely on this generalized conception we have of them as "just not calling between dates" to do just that, and if you don't put your foot down and make it clear that that's not alright with you, then you're kind of resigning yourself to being let down.

I think that a long term relationship between a couple from two different countries can most definitely flourish. It's just like some others have said: regardless of nationality, religion, race, etc... love is love and when you're being treated how you need to be treated, you'll know. Don't avoid asking questions because you're scared to know the answers! There could be a much more appreciative man (foreign or not!) waiting for you to come to your senses :)

Marvellously said!!!! SO

Marvellously said!!!! SO true!! :)

agreed

I also am American and have dated various guys, Spanish, English, Argentinian, Irish, Italian and three French, and frankly, except for the English one, they were very sexist. The one French guy was adoring and then became controlling and dominant, and pissy when he couldn't manipulate me or criticize me. It was such a strong feeling of inequality comparted to relationships I had in the states, where the men don't go to such lengths or get into such dramatic displays (which is great by the way), but you at least know you are respected and know where you stand. Western European men are hot-blooded and are ALWAYS checking out other women. I am sure that this comes from the old world social codes, but in the end, I prefer a more balanced relation between the genders so happy to be an American woman, and to have seen the other side.

@agreed

On the other hand, American guys are becoming gay at the point that there are not men enough for all those single women. 4 out of 5 girls in NYC are single.

Your post is so right on! I

Your post is so right on! I have to change my mind about my prior post. "The French arrogance is narcissism and going out with a French man as an American woman can cause you to lose your soul if you do bend to his ways as he expects you to do" You have just re-set my brain on this!

Dating ze Fench

I broke up with a British Francophole who morphed into the controlling character that you describe in the above post. I am 60 and he was 62 and we parted in January 2011. We were together for over a year while he lived with me most of the time, with me doing all the work and he only helping out when I asked him too. My ex grew up in a boarding/public school and eventually became very mean when I refused to throw my job and house away just so he could go out to eat in Boston restaurants all week. Even though he told me I was the best lover he ever had he said that his city life style was more important.

What do I miss? Our intense sex life, a metrosexual James Bond type dude who made women swoon. Yes, I told him to leave and he hated me for being in control of my own life. I was not like his former French wife, nor his Scottish wife, etc. My impression is some of these guys are not use to a competent, sexy feminists, who will not relinquish control outside of the bed. Good luck to him in Boston--a truly feminist capital of the USA.

your right, englishmen have

your right, englishmen have substance and a mature outlook on sexual equality

Dating Ze French

Merci pour tout. J'ai été en ligne "dating" un homme français qui vit à Caen France, pour deux ans plus et votre réponse a été très révélateurs pour moi!

We ended it again and again, but I made it "final" 5 months ago. Now I am trying to stay away, but it's very difficult to do- because we became so close and went through so much together.

(NOTE: I may decided to post our "saga" soon, but for now- C'est tout!)

Hi Im German and my

Hi Im German and my boyfriend is french. We are together since 2 years now. During the beginning of our relation he called me at least every second day and we texted eachother a lot. I guess i have to say it depends on the person and NOT on the nationality. If you don´t like what he is doing. Tell him..and if he goes on like this...well it is probably not a french thing..

french girl dating americans

Someone above was right, expatratied tend to not be faithful

But franch guys in a relationship are very engaged in the relationship and are passionate. Culturally they (we) are not gentelmen (open door, bringing flowers, not jealous ...) because we value cuturally equal positions. That said, if they have house and kids: guys will also share all: stay at home taking care of the kid, house...
Latinamerican guys are more romantic, gentelman, jealous, but not that equal in the male/female roles

My problem as a french latinamerican girl is about AMERICAN GUYS!
I am used to have a boyfriend latinamerican or french, that either you talk to him, see him or not, you know, and family and friends know that you are together.

American "date"!
you never know what's going one. Americans date several people at the same time, none of them is an engaged relationship, so you don't even feel like asking what kind of relationship is that because you see the guy once a week or less (drinks, dinner, coffee), and maybe a couple texts in between.
Since I am in the states, all the guys I have seen have that same behavior. And they keep calling, being interested. but that's my experience and it's really annoying. I met an english girl a couple weeks ago and she said exacly the same. In UK we have boyfriends not date-body

any advice?

French guys

Hi girls and boys,
I thought i could give you my point of view about french boys.
Well I am a 28 y/o french girl and I experienced both dating french and americans.

The biggest difference is in the beginning phase...but once you have started the relationship things are pretty much the same.

First thing you need to know is that the concept of 'dating' is fairly recent in France. French people don't 'date', at least not in the same way that americans do. For example it's okay for american people to 'date' 2/3 girls/boys at the same time before making up his mind and choose a girl / a boy to start something. In France this would be considered very very rude and irrespectful. I know not all americans proceed this way but some do. Americans like to play a lot at the begining, they act strategically, french people don't or when they do they're considered not serious. We're usually more spontaneous, and above all we're frank with our feelings or rather not afraid to act according to them even if we can make mistakes.

Another difference is that is ok to kiss on a first 'date', many americans will wait the 2nd, 3rd date to kiss. If we want to kiss we kiss, that is it and that is not considered rude, or antything.

Another big difference is the attitude towards sex. I've heard some american girls saying that a bl*w j*b was not real sex...(again i know not all girls are like this). In france a bl*w j*b is sex. American have a weird attitude toward sex, they're paradoxically very prudish and yet they have all that crazy sex going on during frat parties on campuses, you don't see that on french campuses. In France, we do like sex but (if you're an average french person) we equate it with pleasure, we're not ashamed of it, and even if you're not in love with the person (you know that can happen) we try to be respectful to each others (you can be respectful in bed and have raunchy sex yes). If my boyfriend decides to feel me up at the movies or something, there's no way I am going to be shocked or think he's being disrespectful. Chances are I will stop him but not because I don't like it, rather because I don't want other people to notice and it will make me laugh!(but if there aren't many people, i might let him go on!).

There are others things i could say but it would be too long.

However i must say that american boys know how to talk to women! I guess it must stem from the game of dating. The drawback is it's harder to tell if they're being sincere or just playing the game. French dudes usually (but again there's exception, there are french players too but they're so obvious...) don't say thing they don't mean.

secretly in love with you :)

I wish I had a woman like you that acted as she felt. I remember when I was in France during le vendange I met a girl who I ended up kissing. However, when someone saw us I asked her to go somewhere more private like my tent and she got upset & told me that she wasn't that kind of girl. I was quite shocked because that wasn't my original intention to have sex in the tent in broad daylight with people passing by. I tried to explain to her several times that I wasn't trying to give her any extra sweetness, but she wasn't having any of that. Ah, c'est la la la vida loca...
So, you see obviously it's all about who you know, not what you think you know - ya know? :0)

Stereotypes have never fit me & I hope that people will judge people by their actions & not their words or various other bits.

bisous mon cherie!

How about if the person was

How about if the person was french/American, would they carry the traits of both. I wouldn't say that you can minimize it to a french person or English person as no two people are the same. There are the majority and the minority. I am an English person myself and am in a failing relationship. I just wish for the french girl to seduce me...but we all know its just a dream you have had since preteen. Meeting somebody tall dark and handsome...wishing for them secretly to be french, the language of romance. You long them to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I once watched a film and it said if you are ever with a person who is way too good for you...marry them and that is what I want to do.....If only xx

American date From a womans

American date

From a womans perspective, he probably does like you. How do you know he is dating other people, if he is texting you he is interested although if he is not texting you as much as you like he may be trying to play it "cool" which then you wouldneed to play it cool but if you are already doing so then that is the reason why. People do not want to become embarrassed as they are not sure how much the other person is interested and are too afraid to ask as they could be rejected ETC

Frenchmen like grey zones

Hi here, I am a French man and I used to live in the States in the late 90's in Washington DC. Now I live in Spain...with an American girl.
I think one key thing to understand the French is that the feel quite comfortable with paradox and ambiguity. That's actually why many of them just dont't understand what a "date" is when they arrive to the Sates. To date is a very normated exercise with its rules, what you are supposed to do at a precise moment, what is appropriate to say and what is not, what is the appropriate timing to send a text or move to the next step, after how much time you are supposed to kiss, with the tongue or without, the appropriate intensity of light to make love appropriately, etc... The French are just not prepared to this frame of love relationships because they are rather educated to move in "grey" zones. That's why they are quite critical people and often pessimistic, that's why it may be difficult for an American to know if a French guy is making a compliment or if he's mocking.
When you start a conversation with a French man (or a woman) my recomendation Nº1 would be to try to avoid manichean concepts like Good/Bad, In/Out, With us/Against us, Winner/Looser, Dating/not dating... He may feel that you are at best childish and at worst that you are narrow-minded and borring, so he may then loose interest in the relationship. Frenchmen, like all men, are captivated by misterious girls. A good way to seduce them is not to be too sterotyped (worst example = cheerleaders or football team captains!), not too "black-or-white". Be discreately sophisticated. Be grey.

If you are interested to know more about French habits and way of thinking I recomand this excellent blog called “Understand France” http://www.understandfrance.org/

Enjoy:)

The person I wish to date is

The person I wish to date is confusing althugh both she and I are dating at the moment I would like to date (marry) her in the future. Some people may think it is weird to want to marry somebody even though you have not dated. the operative word being want does not nescessarily mean we have to. Yeah she probably thinks I am a crazy fool but hey, I'd rather be a tad eccentric than normal. Anywho more to the point...the girl I want to date was bornn south America, although moved to France and is now currently living in the U.K where I am from. We are at University together and are half way through the course, the problemo is time is running out and as each day goes by it is a day closer to when we graduate. I dont wish to think about it, I did express my interest at the beginning but found it hard to break from my relationship which I am still in and now she is in a relationship. I did get the vibe that the feeling was mutual although now she is in a relationship, I tend to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself....ahhh I dont know what I am saying this relationship was doomed from the start! :(. If it does not happen now I hope fate will bring us together in the future...failing that I will try to pursue a career close to her home time and accidentally/purposely bump into her unexpectedly and the romance will flow...I just hope the second time around is the right time for both of us. Before coming to University I always thought I would meet my dream person there and so never had a serious relationship. I met somebody a year befor University and then I met my dream person at Uiversity...WOW...x The thing with me is I am fairly laid back and would like people to life thier life and enjoy it. I am not one to tell somebody what to do and I am certainly a lover rather than a fighter. All I can say is Peace be with you. I am hoping this girl reads my posts one day and I will continue to write them intothe future!! Peace, love and happiness the three main ingredients for a more frienly, happier peaceful world to live. Au revoir x Yeah just tell me I am a puppy dog, falling for somebody who doesnt like me in that way and I know I am definitely not good enough...it's just I have a dream and I know dreams can turn into reality.xx I do try to be sophisticated and I am quite eccentric, the more somebody does something the less poular I will think it is. I do not like to follow mainstram culture. the person is a babe and she has lots of attractive friends...I think she has a crush already and so am willing to let it be...only time will tell.

Merci pour tout! Il a été

Merci pour tout!

Il a été très utile... et imformative!

Frenchmen like grey

Dear frenchmen like grey.
Mm!
Tty lots for tht advice.
All frenchmen like grey.
However I disagree with some of tht you wrote.
Not all French like grey.
Ppl are individuals no matter what nationality.
As humans we love, hate, sleep, eat etc.
The french have a saying.
Thats life!
I think we all can be childlish, boring, Frenchmen included!
Best regards
Cara55,

D

The best way to respond to this is if i have true feelings for u we would communicate much and would spend time to gether any day of the week no special event.Eat lunch or dinner at the atlantic ocean just because.I am a blackmale who has an attraction to the french culture and i would love to date a french women to enjoy life even marry.Any way some date for status i date a women for me and my feeling other wise i would call u when conteniant .He doesnt respect u the way u show respect.If u were really happy u wouldnt have to write?How long are u gonna waste your time.Um single write back or call 9044184722

Thanks, I feel the need to

Thanks, I feel the need to write as face to face. I act like an immature school girl. Yeah, maybe your write....maybe she is not interested. we will just have to wait and see and plus I am writing with the little hope, one day she might browse and notice me!!

Me too!!

Me too!!

Me too...vague to say the

Me too...vague to say the least...expand.

Response to Dating French Men

It's interesting to read your comment about French guy not calling between dates. That is EXACTLY why I googled the top of French men. It's been two years since your comment so I am not sure if even care at this point.

My French friend is SUPER attentive when together as is adoring, especially a desire to be sexually pleasing. Not to sound rude, but he can park his face/mouth in a girl area for a long long time, and that's intimate. I thought gee, if he could devote 1/100 of 1% of that attentiveness to between dates, it would be good.

I have mentioned it more than once and there has not been a change. I will need to determine if it is an issue that I can tolerate. Well, maybe not since I do see that he has "time" to visit match.com.

Will keep folks updated.

French Men: Cultural Differences, Dating, Marriage

Dear Ella,

French men are quite direct. In general, the French are very intelligent with questioning minds...in other words, they love confrontation...they even find it sexy. So if you are not sure of anything, just go ahead and confront this man. Be careful to assert yourself though, assure him you have many options.

No, French men do not date like American men. There is little ambiguity, pretend conversations (set by what should be said) or multiple partner practices. They are one on one and tend to come full force. My French man was very talkative initially, but as the relationship has grown over time (years), he has grown much less apt to call or text for no reason.His love for me is complete and full, so I don't worry, but I think he enjoys his confrontational question and answer sessions when we see each other at the end of each day.

I must admit that I am not your typical American woman. I have a bit of Irish heritage, and I am rather feisty, direct and passionate. My first ten minutes in France, I was having an in depth talk with a taxi cab driver about my affair with an older married American man. He told me to ditch him for a young man. I am grateful that I am so open-minded. I really contemplated that conversation...it sparked me to really look around in France. In addition, my taxi cab driver gave me a reduced fee! What a sweetheart!

Other advice about French men:

1. Be Passionate...let your heart go
2. Be open-minded, listen to their political arguments, pick sides and debate
3. Know their culture as well as or better than they do...they love Americans who can list off all the best museums in Paris, Americans who have the images on the old European franc money memorized (and better yet, collected)
4. Cook and cook well! By the way, loving to eat helps with this!
5. Enjoy exercise...not just sex, but sports, too!
6. Don't expect flowers, expect surprise meetings, unexpected kisses, occasional financial splurges to show their love
7. I don't find it true that you can never wear sweatpants, but don't live in your sweatpants....enjoy being sexy, wear your perfume, fantasize, look at all men, keep your libido active....enjoy your red wine with dinner
8. Learn to speak French if you can't already. It is considered the ultimate honor when you don't force them into English all the time.
9. Be Smart...they are a smart people and will not hesitate to have witty comebacks or to throw inuendos at you...You just wear your lovely lipstick and throw them right back, even at old men....they love intelligence and vibrance.
10. Never underestimate them. If they are not living up to your expectations, just offer an ultimatum. Very often, they seem to love the challenge and the relationship is enriched. If not, there are many men in France. Of course, turnabout is fair play!

Meeting French Men:
1. French men in America are not the same as those in France. The cultures get all muddled up if they have lived here 10-20 years...especially if they came to America because they love it. Then, you can only guess at how they will be. Good luck! I prefer the raw product.

2. French men will do anything for love. Don't be spineless. If you are, you will lose the relationship. Take your time choosing and chase what you want. Of course, that means just allowing him to continue chasing you : )

3. I find French men do not demand you be submissive. They sometimes expect it...but there is always a naughty part of their personality which really derives pleasure from a woman who knows what she wants. Be polite, but feel free to be recognized for your intelligence and skill.

4. While they do not expect you to be submissive, young French men don't enjoy you having multiple male dating friends. To them, love is true...and if you give your love to them, they will respect you.

Essentials to Meeting French Men:

1. They are best met in France! I recommend visiting. It is highly romantic and induces the lover in all of us. Granted, Paris is the most romantic city, of course.

2. Speak French as well as you can. Study French to speak it better.

3. Ask them about their culture...food, traditions, family, current political ongoings nonstop. Reveal that curious mind.

Turn-offs to French Men:
1. Insincerity of any kind
2. Lying about other men, even if you don't kiss them
3. No desire to cook or speak French
4. Lack of commitment
5. Being too wishy-washy or docile
6. Not being sexy--believe you are sexy 24/7 and you will be.
7. Lack of resourcefulness

I have tried to offer all the advice I can in a nutshell, as quickly as possible. If you have more questions, I would be happy to give you my point of view on them.

I met my husband in France in 2001. I regret very little of our relationship. Almost all of what little I do regret was that period where I still had to win over the inlaws. Luckily, they admire tenacity.

We are still very happy. I find him to be masculine, emotional at times, romantic, stoic with outsiders and very fulfilling in bed. I am not saying he has remarkable physical attributes, but that his heart puts such tenderness into our love...there is a raw, undying river of sentiment for me that I can it only appreciate in awe. It makes all of our physical interactions electric!

I did not have the money to travel to France, so i decided to win a contest. I won first place and picked France as my work exchange destination. He only came here because we must always be together. As the French say, "Pas possible, ce n'est pas francais" or "It is not French to say something is impossible"

Good luck! Feel free to ask questions.
Have fun,
A.

I enjoyed reading your

I enjoyed reading your article the most..it's detailed and informative.
What you said about them is so spot on I can't believe it!

My French fiancee is exactly as you described albeit a bit more "emotionally charged" character.
When I say emotionally charged I meant he is passionate about most things in life that I have not come across in American, British and New Zealand men.
I mentioned these 3 because I was once married to an american a New Zealander and even dated a British guy.
First I have to say I am from Singapore but now an American citizen.
I did not look or pursue to date a french guy..he pursued me through our correspondence via the internet.
We developed a good base for friendship in the beginning talking about politics, religion, dating, world problems, paranormal(yes we did!)and about everything else under the sun.

He says he appreciates my openess and sarcasm from time to time, my compassion and even when I am mad at something.
But he also appreciates what he termed as my quiet unobtrusive intelligence..when I asked what he meant by that he said "you are NOT loud when you display your knowledge about a subject ma chere"

He is amazed at my enthusiasm learning French..I KNOW I am a very slow learner and my pronunciation stinks and yet he did not say anything negative or laugh about it.
Always encouraging and saying that it's the effort that I put forth that is important.
He is the most attentive man I have ever been with and I have gone out with men around the continent!!lol.

He is also an excellent cook, a spiffy dresser and always suggests what would look good on me
I understand some women find all this could be abit overwhelming BUT I don't!
He is extremely close to his family especially his mother and talks about her affectionately.
I have no problem with that as I found that when a man loves his mom he's always treat other women with high regard.
I have a good idea that my fiancee would make a very good husband and an even excellent father to our children.

He is not without imperfections like the rest of us..he is quick to frustration about things that really matter to him (like seeing how others are poorly treated) or when I am being very stubborn or when I say things that makes him mad!lol
But that seems to charge our relationship like electricity and makes us more passionate towards each other even more so...I love my Henri with a passion born out of friendship ..he's my friend my lover my confidante and soon my husband.
So in conclusion thanks for your article...amazing how they're all individuals and yet the character traits are quite similar!!

Regards,
Emma

To Anaciporta... and the others

First forgive me for my poor english. Fortunately french men are not all the same and it doesn't matter if you cook or not. I'm french (married) and my wife just cooks pasta and steaks ! Some french guys like me love to cook. (And i'm not an exception) And it's cool to know the museums in Paris or to speak a perfect french but it's better to be yourself. I mean you don't have to read an encyclopedia to seduce a french (we like to share) most of french men i know just know Le Louvre and La Joconde (Da Vinci's Mona Lisa) so if you just know La Tour Eiffel it's not a problem !!!

It was interesting to read your opinions about french men. and pretty true, being smart is a good point.

You want a little trick? (YEEEEESSSSS!!!) OK. Know who is Zidane!!! It's our biggest sport hero, the guy that everyone in the family knows and loves... Especially guys.

Hey anaciporta and the

Hey anaciporta and the others,

As a french man, i can say that some of all this is true as a cultural reality, and some of it is just true of your man. As it was said somewhere in the conversation, we (french) are clearly not all the same, even in the same group of close friends. I know that me and my best friends do have really different ways of being with our partners.

The cooking is not essential, especially if you date someone young who won't consider that your place is in the kitchen.
I know that for some of us (at least myself, but i guess i'm not the only one), your french skills don't matter. If we are with an english-speaking personn, it also means that we like the language and the culture you bring in the relationship, so be proud of it. Americans / anglo saxons (so including brits, OZs, canadians etc...) have a kind of "let's do it !" way of looking at things that lacks in the french system. I think that it is one of the best feature of your culture so use it. We like to have someone that has initiative and is optimistic about life.

For the rest of it, i have to say that you got a lot of stuff right. We do tend to be passionate (but it can also be false pretext, assh**es are international), and we like to have somebody who is straightforward and isn't scared of confrontation. Tell us what you think, don't be afraid to disagree, fight for your opinions, be honest with him and yourself. We learn at school this way (with "dissertations" where you have to basically have an argument with yourself on paper...).

Speaking for myself, i'm not texting all the time, not calling everyday, i'm just letting the personn be and do whatever they want and enjoying the time we spend together. It doesn't mean that i'm not in love or anything. I'm the same way with my family so it's just a part f who i am. Some men will be on the phone 5hrs a day, it has to do with personality, not nationality.

But for that last part, it has to do with honesty, and your fourth point (4. While they do not expect you to be submissive, young French men don't enjoy you having multiple male dating friends. To them, love is true...and if you give your love to them, they will respect you.). We don't really do multiple dating, or it has to be "in the contract" from the begining. Lots of us still value honesty and commitment :)

You can expect flowers from time to time. Not always, probably not on the first date (i guess it depends on the conditions, age, place where you go etc...). But some of us are real romantics, and will do some cool stuff if we think it's worth it. I know i did.

but in a nutshell for all of you who are with or want to be with a frenchman: ASK HIM ! go for it, tell him what you doubt about or are not sure about. Don't let him take cover behind the country he's from, but acknowledge that you don't have the same mechanisms that we do. If he likes / loves you, he can take it. If he closes the debate, he's not that into you, or he's not worth it.

hope this helps some of you, don't hesitate to ask more if i can help

Thank you for the great

Thank you for the great insight. I however have a bit of a unique situation and would like to ask if I could email you with the questions instead of posting it public.

Not fair! Make it public so we all can learn from eachother:)

Please don't make comments / opinions private....we all like and want to share....let's learn from eachother!
Merci!

Hi Loïc, Thanks for all this

Hi Loïc,

Thanks for all this useful information. My situation is a bit different from the others. I met this French man exactly a month ago while vacationing in Paris with my friends. He came up to talk to me and we ended up talking for a few hours but we never managed to meet up after that day. When I came back to the States, we stayed in contact via email and texts.

Recently we started to flirt more in the emails and texts, and he even made a suggestion that he would come visit me in the States. I miss him want to get to know more about him so I would call him, and we spoke on the phone a couple times. But he would never make the effort to call me. I understand it's long distance and it could get expensive, but for the past few times it has always been me calling him. When we email or text, it could take him hours or even days to respond, or he doesn't respond to my texts at all. It's like he would be hot then cold all of a sudden.

I know it's only been a month and I don't know if he's serious, or is it the language barrier or could it be that he's just not that interested in me anymore or could he have met someone else. All these ideas flood my head. It's frustrating because we don't talk much on the phone to begin with, so I don't know what he's thinking or if he is even still interested. My friends tell me to wait and see what happens. But tell me, is it common for French men to not contact often or not like talking on the phone? Also, I don't know if I should stop contacting him and let him contact me or just give up all together. Please help. Thanks.

reply to LOIC...

Votre réponse m'a aidé à voir les choses plus clairement avec mes en ligne "dating" situation. Il était très imformative ...et utile! Mais maintenant, j'ai une réflexion sérieuse à faire à propos de cette «relation» de 2 ans et plus.

Merci pour tout!

Dating the French

Well hello

There's a joke that goes something like this...

"French women are not thin because of what they eat or don't eat. French women are thin because they are stressed out by their French men".

I like that one, but it's not necessarily true. How do I know this? I'm married to one of them. I've also lived in France for the past for the past 3 years so I think I'm slowly starting to get the hang of things.

Ok, so the dating thing. The thing is that the French are a lot more relaxed about these things, meaning they don't get as hung up about stuff as some of us lesser mortals do. They don't do detail. We do too much detail.

The not speaking between dates? Hmmmm, not sure, but you have been seeing him for more than 6 months, so that has to count for something, right?

Has he made any romantic declarations yet? Normally, if 'they're into you', they do it within 5 seconds. Then again, if 'they're not into you'...they don't hang around for 6 months.

What do you think?

Probably ...time will

Probably ...time will tellllllll

C'est la vie

I have dated two French Guys to date .
The first I was 16 years old and this new boy had arrived in the neighborhood. I could not care less but then after bumping into him at a local store. He introduced himself and was at age 15 a dead ringer for Ryan Phillippe a la Cruel intentions. A week later I get a knock on my front door. He asks me to come out side and professes his undying love for me. I didn't even know what to think. So we dated for the summer, we both grew bored. I broke up with him and then he went back to France.

12 years later this past march. I met my next French guy at a Salsa club he buys me and my girlfriends drinks. Immediately I know he was a Triple threat, Not only could he Dance really well,He worked in Finance, is a Scorpio and Is Fit in every way. After dancing the night away He asks for my number and calls me the following Evening for a date. Here is where it gets weird. a few nights later on the First date he" Forgets" his Wallet so he only had enough to get drinks. He Kisses me then like He has known me forever we go back to his place to "get his wallet" and he decides he wants to cook for me so he does. He has a beautiful apartment that has a 360 view of the city and as he has just moved he has the basics but he keeps his home very clean and is a very organized person. I see his work badge and bloomberg ID so I now he isn't lying. The music goes on. We laugh dance , have great conversation - at least trying to translate everything and like a little Fly in the web of a spider. ..He seduced me! . He contacts me again for another date and I offer to pay and he lets me vowing to pay the next time. Then a few night a go he invites me to his place and Its late but i choose to order in... makes me pay half and keeps my change!!! While he is a superb lover and is great to hang around. I couldn't help feel a bit out of place. He treats me like a girlfriend in public but I feel that in the finance area if he's not even willing to buy me dinner then something is off he obviously is not that into me or he has some weird ideas on dating in America that we should split everything as equals since women are to be treated as equals or he could just be a cheapskate. Passion is paramount to him and without it he feels there is nothing. So in effect things have cooled off for me quite quickly he seemed more good for a short term fling then a long term relationship.

Also as a note I have a relative who married a french man and it has worked out well.

Hello! I am having quite the

Hello!
I am having quite the emotional roller coaster ride with a frenchman whom I met recently on a trip to Paris. I would appreciate it if anyone could tell me if he's just not that into me, or if i am just experiencing a cultural difference.
We spent a total of 6 fantastic days together, and now I am back home in Canada. He has never had a girlfriend before (he is 24), i believe this is because he was intensely dedicated to his studies, he has recently graduated and is now job-hunting.
Before leaving France, he gave me a beautiful gold necklace and said something along the lines of "even though we won't be together, i will be close to your heart"---very romantic stuff. I know he is interested in me, the first time we skyped (me in canada him in paris) he told me he loved me. This threw me off my rocker, it was definitely too early to say that! But if that's what he is feeling then who am I to tell him its inappropriate.
Generally, after coming back to Canada, communication has been horrible. In the first few weeks he didn't respond for days to some of my message...this was frustrating! I told him this bothered me and he said he "wasn't a guy who could be constantly tied to his laptop/cellphone". I understand this, but I told him that I feel like I am the only one investing any time/effort into making the relationship work, and that I need to hear from him to remind me that I'm not doing this alone, and to be reminded that there is actually a PERSON on the other end of the communication line.
So i have him the ultimatum:
communication preferably once a day, if he wants to keep the relationship going.
I know he is very interested in me, he has expressed to mutual friends that he has never been so in love with anyone, and he has written letters that express these same emotions.
But since the ultimatum, things haven't really improved. If i text him, he receives it, and doesn't respond for long periods of time
and when he does respond, it seems like a "check-in", like, he's knocking it off his list (ex: went to meeting today, took train. going home to clean room then going to paris with friends.)
He doesn't inquire about my life/exams/finding job etc like i do with him.
Also, he doesn't talk much about personal things, like his family, which is something I love talking about because family is important to me, and i find people's family backgrounds very interesting.

I believe the root cause of this could be lack of experiences in the girlfriend department?

Do I hold on, or do I tell him "i have given you plenty of time to work on your communication skills, I have told you what I need for this to work, and you haven't given it to me. its just not working??"

I am holding on to this guy because of a special connection, I really do not know much about him though! like, i could go through all of this long-distance struggle, and then finally get to reunite with the real, tangible guy and we could very well discover that we are not compatible in the least!

WHAT THE HECK DO I DO. It is exhausting holding on to someone out of faith, when all the signals you are receiving say "im not interested"

Hello roller coaster rider...

I live in the states and am dating a French man in France. He is wonderful. He texts me and chats with me on facebook everyday. He is in his 30's and knows what he wants. The gentleman you met may have swept you off of your feet, but it sounds like he doesn't have the dating or life experience to know what he wants. I would cherish the sweet times you had and use it as a stepping stone as your heart mends and move on. You deserve to be treated tenderly and if you are not...move on and keep looking. I wish you the best...

Emo roller Coaster

I think that you have been pretty clear with him about your feelings. You have to go with your gut here is my perspective

1. It's spring!!! Harsh but true

2. It may be a cultural difference as some French men are not as into checking their email and texting as North Americans are.
In france people value face to face time still. While this may be changing in younger generations people are still less tied to social media, email and texting. Could be a regional thing
"After not being called for two weeks I've had this experience with the french guy that I've dated. When he contacted me again i was very distant and told him that normally when i don't hear from a guy after a few days I assume he is no longer interested and move on.
He was shocked by this and said that a terrible work week and visiting relatives distracted him. He leaves his cell off when he is out a spending time with who ever he is out with is paramount unless he has a work issue. Those are his values. But he sure as hell texts or calls me at least 3 times a week.

3. Also consider the time difference.

4. However, If you feel that the you are not getting enough attention. I think that you have been pretty clear with him about your feelings. You should let it cool off for a bit see what happens when you communicate his way! Only respond when he writes and respond the way he does. Add to that go out and date other people if he really wants you he will do everything he can to book a flight to Canada. I'd say don't invest any more of your time then he invests. If you keep contacting him he feels pretty secure that you are making him a top priority. When you start exploring your options its a win win for you. 1. because if he wants to keep you he has to make an effort 2. your self confidence will grow and you give yourself more options 3. if it doesnt work out you wont waste your time.

good luck

omg are we dating the same frenchman?!

I am having the EXACT same situation! unfortunately me and my guy live in the same city so u would assume we get to see each other more than often. however while we are apart its like trying to talk to someone who is across the world! and YES everything that hes told u, hes told me. about he doesn't answer back because he is too busy with his friends or work or life in general. the friends part really gets to me because i think to myself, really?! i know friends are important and all but geez do u have to be around them everyday! like he sees them more than me! i hate it. i also don't understand our "relationship" we've been seeing each other for 2months and ever since the first time we meet its been AMAZING with him. hes so kind so smart so generous to me, yet its so difficult for us to be more than....ummm, i guess in American terms u can say casual date/sex...? and i DO NOTTTT want to be that person! :( it makes me said cuz i want more from him but don't understand how or why he doesnt initiated it. he talks about marriage and how he'd like to take me back to France with him but how do u do that if u don't seem to want to give me time!... i can say sooo much yet, u know what. it is what it is. i guess u should just trust him and TRY to understand his culture. yes it SUCKSSSS that he takes for ever to respond to ur messages but i think if its meant to be u should just say fuck it.. i'll move over there with u. as much as im confused with their ways of relationships, i really really like this guy and think he can help me a lot. so i want and will do everything that i can to prove it. i hope the BEST for u nd i know this has been some time since u've written but hope things have worked out for u. :)

Dashing Prince or Horny Toad???he claims he's still into me!!

Omg!!! I googled this site lastnight at the point of pulling my hair out. Your tale is a total reflection of mine. And since reading all the other similar comments and stories I can only draw the conclusion that it is a cultural thing. However I don't want to be grasping on to that theory coming from a place of desperation.

My tale: I am British not American and my city has seen some what of a French invasion over the past 3 or so years. J'taime this. Since a teenage girl I always received attention from French men. In Paris they would come upto me in the street, take my picture, stare at me tell me I was beautiful. I brushed it off assuming that i was just an object of there forbidden fantasy because I was tall with dark skin and very fine features.

I'd just broken up with my boyfriend and was in no mood to talk to anyone else the night I met my French guy. I only danced with him because I assumed by the way he was chic and sharply dressed that he was gay,lol. That was until I felt my dancing excited him:) the whole night he stayed glued to my side even though I said I was n't interested. I'd never dated a Caucasian guy before which I told him. When my friends and I left the club to my surprise he followed me and even got into my taxi. He asked me for my number even though I said I wasn't over my ex.He asked how long it would take me to be over him a week, 2 weeks?? I laughed and said 2 thinking he'd get fed up and give up. He added me on facebook and two weeks later he texted me and asked me out I was so shocked and said ok. He was so sweet!!! The fact he'd waited patiently impressed me. He was texting me at least 20 times a day wooing me with French terms and making me feel like a princess. He took me out, cooked for me and didn't get anything more than a kiss and calins from me for 2 months. Thoroughout this time everything was parfait and I felt that this could be the one. Once we took the next step I found him to be the best lover ever!!! Life was great at this point and I was falling for him.
Then on the 4 th month he became busy with a business venture with his friends and his finance job and the time for me became less and less. His friends I've found take 1st place. I went from seeing him at least 3 times a week plus fb and texting to 'sorry baby I'm so busy.' When I challenged him about it he promised me he hadnt gotten bored. He said he had waited 2 weeks to date me and 2 months to be with me he was not about to just let me go and end it all.

As time has gone on it's gone from bad to worse. In the beginning I was n't really feeling him now i'm in love with him and I just want the origional ami I once had back. I explained the whole American 'hes just not that into me' reason to him and he just laughed and said he's totally into me just busy with work trying to build on his career. I'm really paranoid though and when I asked him again he gave me the same reason.

Today I've decided to leave things alone, get on with my life and stop chasing him. I've not told him but I think he knows from my behaviour that I love him. I find now that when I go really quiet on him and keep busy with my friends thats when he gets in touch. Right now I don't want anybody else so that's not an option.

The fact that all you ladies are having similar episodes with your French gives me something to cling onto. What do you think? Was it just the chase he wanted. He swears he cares about me and would never hurt me!
I love some advice especially from the French men and women married to French men
Thankyou for all you stories and comments,
French lover xx

dont give up!!

Don't give up!! U responded to my little story, we def are in the same situation. I've been with my French guy for almost 5months now. Every second I'm with him I grow more nd more feelings for him. I also have fallen for him. I'm n love.. in the begining ur right, everything was perfect, time. well months go by nd things get alittle distant. Less txtn, he spends more time with friends than me, nd at times I get really upset with it nd me being American nd knowing how guys are I tell him upfront. I don't like it. We've started to see our first fights after 4months and I HATE it. I honestly think its just me having no trust.. i mean I trust him but at times I need to hear it. He swears up nd down its just me nd hrs very busy with work. Nd i understand he's job is busy, he's a doctor. but I would like him to spend more time with me than his friends bUt I realize thy r important to him. When we r together its so perfect. Passionate, romantic. He spends his whole attention on me. I love it... so what I'm sayin is trust him. dont give up on him. :)

When to say "je t'aime"

I'm an American girl living in France. I met a French guy several months ago and we started dating. We always speak French with eachother, because he doesn't speak English. It's starting to get a bit serious. I've already been to meet his family. He's really a great guy. But, on a couple of occaisions, he's said some things that are a bit confusing to me. Once he said he loves me pretty early on, but we were both rather drunk, so I understand why he said it. But, afterwards, I was talking to one of his best friends, and he told me that my boyfriend told him that he loves me, and he was sober. One time, someone asked him if he was "amoureux", and he said yes. In fact, I've been asked that question by one of his friends too, when he was right next to me. Do the French typically say that more lightly than Americans? When have only been dating for 4-5 months, and although I care deeply for him, I don't think I love him yet. Is it a cultural/language difference, or is there a difference of feelings in the relationship?

Dating the French

WOW! reading everything that people are saying on here is shocking to know im not the only one who is going through the same problem!! ive been with this french guy for alittle over a month.. the FIRST night we meet we had a connection, it felt like a fairy tale. as time went by i realized in between the times we dont see eachother, our communication isnt very good. about a txt or 2 a day. which i hate!! and he seems to have ALOT of friends, and im kinda of a jealous person but as long as i know who thy are i dont care. unfortantly ive meet only a few of them. we dont really get to hang out alot due to our jobs, however when we do get to see eachother we're very passionant towards eachother. i and other friends of mine say ohh hes just a booty call blah blah blah, move on.. yet this has been our first argument. i wanted to see where our relationship was going and from what he told me i shouldnt have to worry about what hes doing and he really likes me and would like me to go with him to france. yet he SAYSSS in france people dont date.. that people in france just get to get there every once in awhile until both make it offical. i dont understand that. oh and the funny thing is, when i have a problem with something hes doing he always says, oh its cuz im french.... like thats a answer to all our problems! its veryyyy complicated, ive never dated someone who i liked so much yet dont understand much about him.. i mean i know him but not as much as id like. idk, im just gonnna tryin take his word and trust him. i dont want to ruikn any thing between us. hes a great guy..

Going through the same thing

Going through the same thing

dating/marriage?!

what i want to know is how do the french know when they want to marry someone, or how do they initiate MORE than "dating".. i know they dont date but how do you know when you actually mean something special to them? its killing me! this guy is very good to me very nice very dreamy! i like him a lot, and he has also told me he likes me. we've been seeing each other for 2months but i need more. i feel too much for him that i need to know we are going to go somewhere. plz help!

French men and wedding

Hi dear,

As a French girl working a lot with american guy what can i say:

There is no real difference between an american or french guy. Meaning if they are into you they will get married. The difference is that in France engagement through wedding is less and less important and people can live their all life together just not being married.
If being married mean so much to you, you should let this guy know as this maybe is just an administrative stuff to him.
Also, asking him about how he feels about marriage will show you how he is into you:
If he react positively saying: is this important to you? So we should get married than you know!
If he react with excuses like, you know i am not so much into wedding and marriage things, then sorry but you have to run, this guy is just not into you and is using you but not looking for serious things.

French men are not hard to understand: they are either direct: they are franc with you or indirect: they lie to you.

Good luck!

French guys...

Dear all,

As a French woman I can only say French guys are exactly as american guys meaning if they are "into you" they will be showing this to you by being close, keeping in touch with you (not to much to take care of your space) and so-one...

if they react being silencious or as if they do not really care, that's just mean they don't really care as any man in the world.
Don't worry once you will find the one, French or whatever, he will be acting as you expect, being nice, intested in you and coming back to you as soon as possible.

From French girl just realistic.

Relationship with an older French man

Hoping some French man can help me understand... I am English, and for the past year I have been communicating by e-mail and text with a Frenchman who is a very old friend. We met 20 years ago, we were both in couples with other partners, and we were extremely close. Nothing developed between us. We haven't met since 1997. He contacted me one year ago and we have since been in very regular correspondence. He said he was closing his relationship, so we agreed to wait until that is the case, before meeting, as neither of us wants a triangle scenario. We're not young... he's 59 and I'm 51. We're serious, sensitive persons. He is very concerned about his partner - he left her twice during the past six months, and she has created some terrible scenes, and can be quite manipulative. He is not in love with her, their relationship has been dead for quite some years, but he has a strong sense of responsibility for her. It has been very painful for me to wait all this while, even to meet with him. He said he will take his decision in September. Has anybody any advice to offer me? I have never been in such a situation before... nor have I waited so long to meet with someone... but he's not a stranger... we liked each other very much when we met in the 1990s... He's definitely in my heart... Ah... he lives in Paris. Under normal circumstances I would have left a long time ago, but I feel he is a very honest, sincere man, and I believe he is worth waiting for...

Running from a French man...

Any advice would be great...

The running joke between me and my French man is that "it's complicated." I met him in April of this year. We work in the same department, but never knew each other existed until an annual meeting we both attended. He didn't show up on my (oh hello there) radar at all. But I noticed that he was staring intensely at me the whole night. He left for vacation the next day, but when he came back, he texted me. We got coffee and ended up chatting for 5 hours. It was really fun, light-hearted, and spontaneous.

I have to say that I'm 26 and just this March I divorced from a 5.5-year marriage and 7-year relationship. Hence, I'm trying to be my own person, live alone, and explore my individuality. I am not interested in a boyfriend or anything intense...

Which is exactly what my French guy is... passionate, doting, kind, but overall VERY intense and full-throttle. I told him over and over that I am not interested in any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend, monogamous, or intense relationship, since I so recently got out of a 7-year one. I just want to be friends (which, by the way, DOES NOT go over well with a French man, haha). We've had 2 massive blowout fights over our relationship status and two about sexual misunderstandings (I was NOT into it and he VERY much was), and in all honesty, it still confuses me how we are still hanging out. At the end of each fight, we walk merrily out in the night, skipping arm in arm. I know I'm throwing him mixed signals; now we've decided to just let it be what it is without analyzing it. All rainbows and butterflies, right?

No. I'm running from him. Because I still don't want to be someone's girlfriend. The plot thickens because he recently suggested I go to France with him over Christmas... and not only that, but my lease is up in October and he was like, "well, it makes economical sense that we live together!" In a one-bedroom, of course. I wrote the pros and cons, and admittedly, the pros outweigh the cons: our personalities mesh well (intensity aside), financially beneficial, we're together a lot anyway, I'm not really interested in other guys (but I also don't love him). However, there are three massive issues that I can't stop thinking about: #1 I don't love him, #2 the BIG commitment, and #3 my exploration of my individuality suddenly becomes non-existent so soon after getting a divorce. Mainly #2 and #3. He told me he doesn't want to push me, but I already see us as acting like a couple and I don't want it. I'm running away and I'm wondering, should I just give in, because there is no way out and I haven't made progress running away anyway OR keep running (or trying to run) as fast as I can away from him?

run with him! no run away! idk?!!?

Ooooomg I'm having almost the exact issue! Except I'm the one wanting more nd he's not.. yet we act like we are! Idk wither to stay or to go. omg wow. Hope u know Wats best.. I'm sure u do. Just go with ur heart I guess.

put a lable on it or not!?!

Alright, I'm back.. me n my French guy have been together now 3months goin on 4. Ok so everything has been FANTASTIC. I would like to say I mighhhhhht be in love, but I'm not. i just really really really adore, admire, appreciate him.. Hehe. He's wonderful to me nd I couldn't ask for anyone better. Ok, so with that being said why not make it official right?? Let everyone know, looks he's with me, were a couple, piss off.. alright so when I finally asked him. Why have we not made it exclusion to everyone he says because I don't want to be ur bf.. whhhhhat!?! What does that mean?! Have u been messing with my head this whole time?! U would think so. But according to him he says if he calls me his bf its because he sees us in the future gettin married. Yet he does not... idk if he's saying its to early or he just flat out dies not see it. Are all French think like that or us that just him?? He told me if we wrre to get maried it would be very hard for me, 1. Bcuz i don't speak French.2. Bcuz its hard to find a job not being a french citizen and not having a major degree in somethin.3. It will be hard for me to leave everyone behind..... ok, great points. However! If I knew I would spend thr rest of my life with him I would and are! Doing the following, 1. Learning to speak it.. which i am now..2. Gettin a degree. Ok this will take years to do, yet its wat i been tryin to do in America so I can take it to France nd do it there as well..3. Leaving my family nd friends.. since I was a little boy I always knew i would leave America. I never wanted to stay. It's something I kbew will happen eventually. So with that being said, if I still have ur attention. Should or should I not give him an obligation. To give us a title, or I leave for soneone worth seeing me in thier future.? Kinda sounds pety. It its wat I need.. I need to know im not waistin my time. bad?? I need help. Fyi, we don't sleep with other ppl, were faithful to eachother. So y not just call it wat it is. Help me explain that to him. Thx

Labels

French men definitely don't like their labels, nor do like to make things official and tell people they are in a relationship. They like to keep things ambiguous yet continue to see you and have sex with you. As long as you don't make any demands. As soon as you start doing this, things take a nose dive because they feel pressure. I asked my supposed boyfriend for a label and he couldn't do it. Despite being together for 6 months. It's all a bit of a mystery to me but I would say that if you need rules and need to know where you are heading, you have to be cool and have lots of other stuff going on in your life to take your mind off it.

True ...

I had the same experience. I was seeing a french man for a couple months, and it was casual. We made time for each other, but it was sporadic because of our schedules. Anyhow, we didn't communicate very much over a couple of weeks (few texts here and there, not very chatty), and I asked him if things between us were cool, and if anything changed? He responded that he was really busy with work, etc ... He said that he would call and we would talk, and then he never called. It's too bad though, we had a lot of fun ...

Does this French man consider us an item?

I started dating a man about a month and a half ago. He is from France and has been living in the states for 5 years. We are long time acquaintances that met up and have hit it off really well. Things started off very slow and then the first date came - it was perfect - we kissed and went to 3rd base (sorry to sound juvenile - but I feel this is relevant). I live out of state, but am moving much closer to this man (not for him, but for professional reasons - which is why we met up to begin with). So, I went back to visit him and we spent quite a bit of time walking around (holding hands), kissing, and we had sex multiple times (yeah it was a good weekend:)). Things progressed quickly, which I'm pleased about. We now talk on the phone every few days and text in between. Now, based on other articles I've read and the contents of this blog, it appears that if we were in France, it would be mutually agreed (without a discussion of labels) that this would be an exclusive relationship and that mult-dating would be cheating (due to the kissing, sex, and handholding). Now, I have no interest in dating anyone else. I like this man very very much. But, I'm curious what others think about whether he considers this exclusive. According to what I've read, (in France) he would think this is exclusive, but I don't dare bring it up because of the whole French not liking labels thing (I don't want to wreck things and its still early in the relationship). I would appreciate the point of view of a French man or French woman who is currently or has lived in the U.S. for any period of time or anyone else who has dealt with this.

I understand your problem

I understand your problem ladies. You're all dating the same man. Me. Live with it.

Ask him..

It sounds like it should be exclusive, but you don't want to be the only one. Without putting a label on it, you deserve to know if he is dating anyone else, whether he is French or not. Ask him... say "I care about you very much and you are the only man for me right now. Are there any other women in your life?" He sounds like a great guy... just make sure he feels the same about you before you invest any more time and emotion into the relationship. Good luck!

Please help me! I dont know what to do!

I met this French guy during his trip to my country (Australia) and we hit it off right away. We did not have sex but we shared life experiences, drinks, thoughts, and spent a lot of time together and we kissed a lot and walked around like a proper couple would holding hands, cuddling and all. He also payed for our dates which he insisted on. (I dont know if matters but he ditched his friend who he travelled with to spend A LOT of time with me).

He was only here for two weeks but we definitely did really like each other (there were tears at the airport and everything!) I have never felt so comfortable and well suited to a guy in my life before and I also do not feel like I have been so close to a single person in such a short space of time!

So anyway, we promised to stay in touch after he left and we have been txting regularly and emailing since he left (about a week ago).he tells me that he misses me and still ends the messages with kisses and 'gros bisous' if that helps.

I have just recieved an opportunity from university to do an exchange in his city in France in 2013! I am so excited that i could spend a year with him!! I can't wait to tell him but i dont know how to bring up the fact that we could do the whole long distance thing for a year so we can still be together. I know that is what i really want and i hope he wants it too but i am really not sure!

We only spent 2 weeks with each other, but they were the best 2 weeks of my life and i dont want it to end! Can someone tell me how to bring this up with him?? Please it has been going through my head all week and I dont know how to bring it up. Thanks everyone! bisous x (:

Bonne chance

I had to comment on your story because it is almost identical to how I met my Frenchie. I'm an American who studied abroad in Australia for 6 months last year and randomly met a French boy in one of the hostels I was visiting over a weekend. Long story short, we instantly connected during my stay and then remained in touch online. Two months later, he told me he was in my city and wanted to see me...and it went down hill from there. I never expected to meet a Frenchman in Australia of all places, but once my trip was finished we decided to keep in touch online as mutual friends. However, he surprised me (yet again) and came to visit me in America. So after I graduated, I visited him in France for 3 months. I'm now looking to move there in order to be with him. From my personal experience, I can say Frenchman are very loyal, open, and honest with women. My Frenchie was calling me his girlfriend and "mon coeur" after the first date. It honestly scared me a bit because I thought he was rushing into things (I was accustomed to the college American men who were more interested in the chase/casual dating rather than getting into a committed a relationship). Frenchman just don't say "bisous" to anybody unless you're family. He's definitely into you if he's keeping in touch despite the long distance. Regardless if you stay together or not, I say study abroad because it will be the best experience of your life. Remember to focus on your studies, though, because Frenchman do require more attention and energy than American/Australian men I think. You're still so young so don't worry about making it work. I didn't think it would work out for me, but it did!

PS...are you from Sydney because when I was in Sydney there were seriously more French people there than Australians! And where in France is he from?

thank you! somebody understands! (:

firstly, I know exactly what you mean about the whole calling you his girlfriend after the first date! same thing happened to me and i kind of freaked out a little bit (i am used to the dating and keeping options open until you have the talk to make it official kind of guy) but im guessing that could just be a French thing?

We are still keeping in touch but its becoming a bit more struggled than it was because he is very busy at work and I am swamped with exams, heavy workload and a job also!

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much better I feel about the situation now that I know someone has been in a similar boat!

May I ask how much time you two have spent apart and how long you have been together? And how you brought up the topic of keeping in touch when it was time to say goodbye?

Thank you so much for the advice, i hope to hear from you again! (:

For Courtney

Courtney,
just tell him you'll be there next year and let him know you'll LOVE to spend time with him during this, this simple :)

Same Situation

OMG we have exactly same situation... I had to research about this because I was going crazy about what really is in the head of this French guy.

I met him in Shanghai in a club and we danced together. That instant we felt a connection to the point that he just kissed me a couple of times, saying "you are beautiful" with his french accent. He insisted in getting my number when we parted ways because he wanted to take me out for lunch/dinner. I didn't expect him to text back but he did the very next day! As a typical French, he showered me with lovely words and was not shy to cuddle me or hold my hand in public. On our second date, I kissed him in the cheek and he was surprised and said, "that's only for friends!" so I asked him what we were, and he said "I'm your boyfriend". WOAH! That was very fast... I was blown away on how we kissed..Very slow but passionate.

Anyway, we were only together for 2 weeks because I had to go back home. But I never felt so close to a guy in just a short amount of time. He promised to keep in touch. HOWEVER, he rarely does this. I usually have to initiate the conversation or message him in Facebook. Recently he said he still thinks about me every day, but he was worried that I'm thinking he doesn't care about me because he doesn't keep in touch often. he explained that he's not good at keeping in touch. I want to understand him, but in our culture, it's quite different...If a guy really cares about you, he will do anything to show you that he still thinks about you every day..even if he's busy.

He says he will see me soon, because he's visiting my country in a few months. I'm looking forward for this, but I don't want to expect. He doesn't keep in touch, and yet expects to be with me when he comes here...is that how you keep a relationship?

I had to research if this is part of French culture...if this is acceptable or not. I don't want to be stuck in this idle fantasy about us being together again...I still care about him deeply, and I believe we had a connection then. My friends say I should move on because I may just end up being used and hopeless. I still think about him every day....I hope he does too....

French men just SPOIL you with soooo much love and romance!

opinions please

I know this thread is a little older, but I'm still hoping I can get some advice.
I went to France last December for work, and almost immediately afterwards became involved with my boyfriend. Within the first month I had met all of his family - cousins, great-grandmother, aunts, and uncles. He also introduced me to his close friends.

After three months I returned to the States for three weeks, during which time we skyped and emailed multiple times each day. Upon my return we vacationed for a month with his family, and although we had a few big fights (always due to miscommunication - my french then was still quite poor) we seemed to be doing well.

we began working together, and during those three/four months he seemed to pull back, and we bickered. Finally he said he wanted space. he specifically said he only loved me sometimes and wasn't sure if he really wanted to commit. Leaving me for three days, he then called and said, after talking with his family, he is 100% sure he wants me "for the rest of his life".

I returned to the States, feeling very unsure. He kept emailing, and finally we met up for 10 days in New York. He was amazing, so kind and loving. Before we left he swore he would give his maximum.

But, since then, its been hell. I am still in the States, staying one more month (I have been here a little over a month). After his return to France he has been busy with work, very busy. However, during the last month he would go days without contact, even if i sent a message there would be no reply. This was such a sudden change I was at a loss. Finally, very frustrated, I told him I needed more from him. Now he sends one message a day, though they are usually all the same:

"mon amour, ca va? Je suis tre fatigue mon bebe. je vais dormir maintenant. bisoussss"

Always. Hi, I'm really tired, bye. I've tried to set up times to skype, tried to work around his schedule...he will go one or two days no contact, then send a message saying "oh, i love you so much, i miss you so much, i'm tired i will tell you about it later" only, there is no "later" its been two weeks since we last spoke, since I've had more than "i love you but i'm too tired to send you a longer message". I don't understand this sudden switch, and its driving me crazy.

after reading some posts I'm thinking maybe its a cultural thing? To be more attentive face to face, or maybe its a personality thing? His cousin once told me "if you love him, and he loves you, then whats the problem?" is this really the French approach?

please give me your opinions!

I think it is a cultural

I think it is a cultural thing. For the last year and a half, my French love and I have used phone and internet to keep in touch and to get over the distance barrier. At first this was great, like you and your French love, we would talk all the time, multiple times a day.I would receive long, amazing messages which I would get excited to receive. Now I feel like I am the only one making an effort. He wont even email me until I email him first, and when I do, I only hear how busy he is with work and how he is always tired.
I am sure he loves you, and cares about you but only really shows it when you are in person....? The French are renowned romantics... but they cannot really show that through email/Skype.
How long will you be living away from him?

all the best.

French Man who considers American women

Hello,

I'm a French-Algerian man of 36 living in the suburbs of Paris & I've been reading your posts about relationships between American women & French Men.

I've been twice in America to visit on of my best friends who is American and it's obvious that we share "common clichés" about eah others.
For intanse, I'm always surprised by the way that are French often considered as "sophisticated" : I've been raised in a Ghetto (yes, most of North-African French are not exactly seen as 'sophisticated' here !) and thank God, I'm living well today.

I would like to meet a beautiful American woman who won't be obsessed (unlike its sisters the French women) with money and who won't be afraid of dating a muslim man !

Yes, I'm a handsome Muslim man 1m75 70kg (100% Meditteranean italian good-looking guy who loves to cook, travel in asia and south america, and enjoys life in every matters it is possible to embrace it so if there is some volunteers...even for making new friends, why not ?

Otherwise, the American women I've met in Europe or Asia where always friendly, opened to other customs and happy to communicate with foreigners and that's an impressive weapon of seduction !

Ok it's important to get well dressed, a long-haired girl whether she's a stunning brunette, a fascinating redhead woman, a sunny blond will always be appealling to me (long hair is the key to attract Me :) but compared to the French woman, the American woman has one big bazooka : She smiles and she communicates, she will not show a face will say (Hey, Dude, you know what ? I'm a fiery french woman who get her position without the aid of men and I'm a warrior)

Girls, girls, I'm definitely for equality Women-Men but I will never accept unmutual respect whether it comes from a man OR a Woman and, franklly, the American women I've met where chrming, full of personnality without this "Warrior attitude".

So, American women, just STAY the way you are because you're not as sophisticated as French women (but, hum, just see how are dressed up some incredible executive women from New York city) but yu're definitely more spontaneous, "freshier", and "sunnier" from your french counterparts :)

Vive les femmes Américaines !

I apologize for the mistakes in English !

Algerian-French Arslan

I am an American and have

I am an American and have been dating a French-Algerian for the past 3 months. Things are absolutely great when we are together and I'm crazy about him. We don't talk too much in between dates and he went back to Paris last week to visit family and for work (for about 2 months) and he has not been in much contact. He said it's because he is fixing the internet and phone (he's not one to lie) but he was supposed to call me a few days ago and I haven't heard from him. He isn't picking up his cell phone or responding online and I'm a bit worried. I don't know if something has happened to him or if he just doesn't realize I'm waiting for his call. I know that he cares about me but I wonder why he doesn't feel the need to talk to me as much I want to talk to him. What does this mean?

Dating the French-Algerian

I am an american woman dating a French-Algerian as well. He just left for France too and I was upset that he did not call me as soon as he landed.

We have been together for nearly 6 months. We have our ups and downs. The "friendship" aspect to our relationship is definitely great, but the sweet verbal affirmations and romance can definitely improve. He also admitted to me many times that it is not in his personality. But what matters to me is that I know he listens and tries (in his own way). His perspective on life is very rational and as mentioned in this forum, his communication style is very direct. He makes me cry quite a bit because I always misinterpret his responses (when really most of the time they werent meant to be offensive). But what makes me stay with him is the fact that he is a genuine person who cares (in his own way). He is trustworthy and stable. He takes me out to eat, we enjoy quality moments together and he cooks for me from time to time.

He is not very engaging over the phone, but he gives me attention when we are together. I brought this to his attention and he told me frankly that he did not see the point of talking too much on the phone and that he was not one to text too much. He prefers face to face communcation.

Now that he is visiting France, I don't expect him to call me everyday. He doesn't see those extra things (the things that we find sweet and thoughtful)to be necessary.

I'm trying to help him understand how to be more empathetic but I know that will require time and patience especially for someone who sees life in such a rational way.

My suggestion is to be straight forward with him about what you want (try not to cry when expressing this, haha). Be specific about your needs.("I need you to call me more often to let me know that you're okay. I need this in our relationship") He may not get it right quickly but it will be the little effort that he makes that will show that he truly cares.

Best of luck!

Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your response! So I told him how I felt and he said the same thing as your guy; just because he doesn't call doesn't mean that he doesn't think about me or miss me. I think by trying to understand what his viewpoint was he tried to understand mine and we worked it out. He said that when he is with someone he gives them his undivided attention so while he is with his family in Paris he wants to be fully there (physically and mentally). I highly recommend reading "What French Women Know" by Debra Ollivier. I realized that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. American women often feel that if a guy doesn't call or pick up after himself after we've told him multiple times, it's because he doesn't care enough, but that's not so. I think they're just more relaxed and patient about things and fairly confident.
Good luck!!